


Somewhere to Begin the End of Everything

by Whererosesbloom



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Anxiety, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, HARD, He bites her lip, I just don't want anyone freaking out, Lotor catches feelings, Lotor has a lot of feelings, Male Masturbation, Mirror Sex, Self-Hatred, Slight Violence, and IDK what to tag that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2019-10-02 05:36:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 46,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17258528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whererosesbloom/pseuds/Whererosesbloom
Summary: Set between seasons 5 and 6 Lotor and Allura have a few more days before they reach Galra Headquarters. A few nighttime chats bring them closer together. Lotor experiences a lot of new and confusing emotions regarding Princess Allura.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone I'm posting what is basically a year's work of my life. It's the longest thing I've ever written and it's still not done, but the Lotura fam is so great and really needed a boost for the end of the year after we (and Lotor and Allura) got shafted by season 8. I follow a lot of the Lotura blogs and you guys are great so I'm posting this one now for you guys. Just a little taste. 
> 
> The filthy bits are what's giving me trouble, but I'm making some headway and I'll have the that up soon. I hope you guys enjoy and Happy New Year!!!! 2019 and we're free of Voltron!!!!!
> 
> And if you're an anti and reading this (if we still even have those) I am way too old to care.

* * *

 

 

The princess was an odd bird. Difficult to crack which made her all the more fascinating. Though when it came to him she maintained a certain stoic nature at times, but he could hear and see true sincerity in her actions. It was not in Lotor’s nature to be so transfixed on a person, but Allura made it easy.

His failure on Oriande had made him bitter. He hid it well, but underneath Lotor was awash with emotions. He had been so close to his goals, he was going to finish what his mother had started, he would bring glory to the Galra in ways his father could only have dreamed of. He would be able to harvest quintessence for his people and put the witch in her place.

But with his banishment from the temple that path was shut to him. He would need to change his plans, convince the paladins to see his side. None of them truly trusted him yet, that was easy enough to see, and Shiro only sided with him for the sake of efficiency. He needed Lotor to end the war, he thought as a soldier. He didn’t have the ambition Lotor did, but Allura was different.

The key was Alfor’s daughter, she had a drive to match his own. Her dreams and desires to end the war and preserve a lasting peace were small and simplistic, but not too far from his own. She easily inspired loyalty and admiration from those around her, even Lotor felt it for the young princess on occasion. Truly the daughter of a king, Allura was a great ally for him in his quest, and he would need to keep her close. Now with her new knowledge of Altean alchemy the two of them would go even farther.

Lotor was researching for Allura’s sake that night. He was going through all his notes, and findings to bring some order to the influx of information the princess had been given. Allura said the sages had shown her the power that had been dormant within her. An odd and rather empty saying, if you asked Lotor, but he had not been the one bestowed the ancient alchemical knowledge of life.

There was a knock at his door, and he stood to greet whoever was on the other side. The princess had given him a serviceable room in her Castle of Lions. She had placed him in a wing all on his own in between the humans and the Alteans. He saw the princess’ hand in that; it was a clever, final attempt to keep him under surveillance, it was too well planned to be a coincidence. There was a bed and next to it a desk for him to work at, the door at the other end of the room led to a bathroom, and closet for any clothes he might have. He was told it was very similar to the rooms given to the Paladins.

He pressed the panel to open the door and was surprised to find the subject of his thoughts on the other side.

“Princess, good evening.” He gave a shallow bow and welcomed her into his room.

“Good evening, Lotor,” she said with a small smile on her face. “I was just coming to see how you were doing. I saw a light on from underneath your door, and wondered what you were still doing up.”

“Research, I’m looking up any and all information I’ve come across on Oriande. I was hoping to compile it for you into a more concise report. Anything really to make the learning process easier for you.”

Allura’s face was pure surprise. Her eyes were wide and her mouth formed a small O. It was quickly replaced with a sweet smile and an even sweeter blush that spread over the apples of her cheeks up to her ears.

Lotor was not blind and saw the princess’ beauty plain as day. But he could not bring himself to use such crude methods for his goals. He wanted real results, and he needed her trust, not her affections.

Though she _was_ quite lovely.

“It’s kind of you to do that,” her smile grew, as did one on Lotor’s face. “You have become my greatest ally in salvaging what is left of my home.”

“High praise from you Princess,” he said. Her smile continued to change, now shifting to one of joy. She had so many. Lotor had never given thought to how many different smiles a single individual could have.

There was a sudden shift between them and Allura’s smile faded. Her face grew grim, uncertain, and Lotor’s matched hers in kind. It was such a drastic change.

“In reality I had another reason for coming here Lotor.” She looked away from his face. Her eyes dropped down and to the side. “I was... concerned.”

“About what Princess?”

“Well to be honest, you.” There was a brief pause as Allura sighed. “You disappeared after we left Oriande, and I was worried if it had something to do with me. That you might, in some small way, resent me.”

“No Princess, don’t think that. I was -- I was a bit angry, at myself. Not you.” He paused and met the princess’ open gaze. Her brow was creased with worry. “I wanted to be better, to be more than just my father’s son.”

“Lotor”

“I had hoped that with the appearance of the mark that it would mean that I was more. That I possessed within myself something -- something not even my mother, Honerva, had. I had been,” now it was his turn to sigh. “Optimistic.”

She surprised him by raising a hand, and placing it softly on his face, only hesitating for a tick. Allura seemed an affectionate sort, she had no problems touching him, nor any of her team. But it was an odd sensation for Lotor. He was unfamiliar with the practice in general; what was more remarkable was this was a new level of intimacy that they had never shared before. It seemed to him that the princess also understood that; he felt the slight tremble in her hand as it was pressed to his cheek.

Lotor’s eyes were wide, and were fixed on the Altean princess. Her thumb began to gently stroke his cheekbone, the soft space where his marks once were. Her eyes fixated on the apples of his cheeks.

Lotor felt a bizarre wave of something spread from his chest. He felt warm, yet hollow like all the air had been sucked out of him, it was the oddest sensation, but he was strangely comfortable with it. He gazed down at the princess, and then to her hand. The warmth that had been in his chest had moved to his face.

Allura had stopped her delicate strokes on Lotor’s cheek, and simply held his face for a brief moment before pulling her hand back to her side. She met his gaze now, she was focused and filled with determination.

“You should be proud. I would never have found Oriande without you. It would have been lost to time, and the knowledge of the Altean alchemists would be gone forever. I am sorry that you were not successful, but you were chosen Lotor.”

Allura’s eyes were firm and locked on his, it felt like the two of them were in their own world. It was a world that existed in the time span of their, unconsciously, synchronized breathes.

“You are nothing like your father, and I am sorry I thought otherwise. You have kept Altea alive for the last ten thousand years, you are everything an alchemist should be. I’m sure your mother would have been proud of you Lotor. You’re a credit to our people.”

_Our People_

Lotor felt lost in his own head at her words.

“Thank you Allura,” it was a brief and impersonal response. Lotor could not even begin to convey how he felt about her words. In the span of the last few minutes Lotor had gone through a series of unknown emotions. He felt like he was expanding, that odd sensation that had been in his chest a moment ago was back. It had grown and the longer he and Allura stood together in this moment the more he began to enjoy the feeling.

The two royals seemed to realize simultaneously that they were standing close together, closer than they had ever been before. Allura was the first to break the moment, she took a step back and cleared her throat.

“Well then -- I should let you get some rest. We’ve had a long day, and I’m sure tomorrow we’ll have an even longer one.” She began to make her way to the door when she paused and quickly turned back around to face him.

“Lotor, some would say that I am being foolish, but you have been true to your word. It’s like you said I may not have been genuine in my desire to end this war. It’s been easier, especially for me to simply fight the Galra then to work with them. But if we can end this, you and I, we should.” Allura’s eyes were fierce.

“We must end our father’s war. I promise you we will and when we do--if-- if I can I’ll try and teach you everything I know of alchemy.”

This was exactly what had made him so confused earlier about the princess. She still held a part of herself back whenever she was around him. She was hesitant to fully trust him, but there was such sincerity in her words. Allura was needed for his plans, everything hung on her and the paladins cooperation. But this, this could change everything. If he had the knowledge of the ancients he could continue his mother’s work in ways he could never had imagined. Just a few simple words, a small offer of kindness, and Lotor was stunned.

Allura could change _everything_.

“Princess I --” She held a hand up to silence him.

“You needn’t say anything. I can’t promise anything solid, I can only promise that I will try.” She took a deep breath and took a step forward, bringing her closer to him once again. “We are the last. If this small part of Altea can survive then it’s my duty as an Altean, as my father’s daughter, to see that it does.”

There was a fire in her eyes, Lotor couldn’t even think of denying her in this instance. He placed his hand on his heart and bowed in solemn reverence. The princess was truly a wonder. Lotor hid the small smile that dangerously wanted to make an appearance on his face.

Allura stepped back once more and headed towards the door. Lotor moved in time with her stride.

“Please Princess Allura allow me to escort you back to your room. It’s late.”

An overly gallant demonstration, but it was the only courtesy the former prince turned emperor could offer. It seemed a ridiculous gesture to the woman who had just offered him his life’s dream, but he couldn’t allow her to leave without him showing some form of reciprocal kindness.

Lotor was still a bit lost in how to deal with the princess. He could feel words, and thoughts forming in his mind. He had ideas for how he could convey his feelings, but for the first time in a very long time his mouth was weighted and he was at a loss for words.

Allura smiled at him, and nodded. He extended his arm for her to take, and they left his quarters.

The princess took hold of his arm with both of her hands. But something was different from the last time they walked this way; Allura was closer than she had been before. She kept her eyes down, her body pressed closer to his arm, and to him. He looked down at her analyzing, trying to understand the princess.

The short journey back to her quarters was a poor time for conversation, and Lotor still could not find the right words.

As they made their approach to the door of Allura’s quarters Lotor was still combing his mind for the right way to convey his thoughts and feelings. There was only one thought that had been present in his mind.

They stopped in front of her door and Lotor took one of the princess’ hands in his own. He turned to face the princess, feeling her gaze on his own face, but he kept his eyes trained on her hand.

It was a soft hand, a bit clammy at the moment, but he left that to nerves. Not many people would be so willing to extend such a hand to him. None of his fellow Galra would think to do so first without thought for themselves first. Allura had reached out her hand in the spirit of friendship.

He swiped his thumb over the back of her hand, and brought his other hand to help cradle the princess’. Lotor wondered for a brief instant if the princess had extended such a kindness out of loneliness. A pressing feeling, that settled deep inside someone. It could poison a heart long before it slowly broke it, yes that was a feeling that Lotor knew well. If loneliness was the reason then Lotor could put a name to the strange, random acts by the princess and not be so caught off guard.

As it was, he was still a mess for words and could only convey the single thought that had dominated all others.

Lotor raised Allura’s hand to his mouth, cradled gently in both of his larger hands. He looked into her eyes as he spoke, only lowering them for a moment when he placed a soft kiss on the back of her hand.

“I could never resent you, Allura.”

The two royals stared at each other. Their hearts hammering in their chests at increasing speeds. The two of them unable to understand the emotions that they sparked in one another. Lotor was the first to break and took a step back from the Altean princess. Their hands remained joined despite the new distance, until Allura withdrew her hand with a sudden burst of speed.

She clutched her hand to her chest with her other hand, and stared at Lotor with wide eyes. The two stared at each other a moment longer, then the prince bowed his head and turned to walk away.

Lotor was half way down the hallway when he turned to look back. Allura was still at her door, her hand still pressed to her chest watching him leave.

 

* * *

 

 

The next night Lotor was lying in bed writing up a report of his and Allura’s time in Oriande. Their discussions from the night before had shown him now more then ever he needed Allura. Her success was his success, he wanted her to be at her best. The report of their time there was necessary for Allura, but also for historical purposes. The history of Altea was written across the cosmos; he had found so much in his research. Oriande hadn’t been visited in ten thousand years and it needed to be put into words while it was still fresh in his mind.

He was stuck on a sentence when he heard movement outside his door. He checked the time, and saw it was well past the unspoken “bedtime” for the small crew of the castle. He wondered who it could be.

“Lotor? Lotor it’s Allura.”

“Princess?” he said. He went over to the door and opened it.

He was immediately surprised by her appearance. Allura was wearing her sleeping clothes; a white flowing dress that reached her ankles. The robe that covered her was a soft pink, she wore a matching pair of slippers in the shape of lions. Lotor found the overall image rather charming, it was the tray she was holding that threw him off.

“I’ve brought some tea,” she said. There was a such a genuine smile on her face that Lotor couldn’t even consider turning her away. He stepped to the side and allowed for her to settle herself in his room.

She placed the tea tray on his desk, and turned around to face him.

“I figured you wouldn’t be sleeping. So I thought I would bring you a lovely tea blend that Hunk bought the last time we were at the Space Mall. He said it's very relaxing.”

Allura’s face was open, and bright, she was honestly concerned for his well being. A thought that brought a small smile to his lips.

“Thank you Princess, it was a kind gesture. Would you share a cup with me? I think I’ll be up a little while longer, and I’d appreciate the company.” He said with what he hoped wasn’t eagerness. She nodded her head.

“I would be happy to Lotor.”

She turned back to the tea and poured them both a cup. As she did so he made his way back to his bed and sat himself at one end leaving space for her at the other.

The tea had a delicate aroma, an earthy smell over a floral or fruity one. It was deep, and rich with a hint of sweetness. Allura handed him the tea cup and he breathed in the warm scent.

“It has a wonderful smell, as well as taste. I found it very pleasing; Hunk really does have an excellent nose for such things.” Allura said as she sat down, taking his unspoken invitation to sit on the bed opposite him.

“I agree. I’ll be sure to tell him so tomorrow.” She smiled and nodded in agreement. She then turned her gaze to her mug, her thumb tracing the edge of the delicate tea cup.

“I know it hasn’t been easy for you,” she looked up at him and met his eyes for tick, “with the paladins.”

“They are protective princess, it is a necessary trait in this war.”

She smiled again, but it was strained. Lotor still found the princess’ small smiles a wonder. He paid close attention to each and every one and locked away their differences in his mind, his collection grew with each smile she gave him.

“Hunk is the friendliest of the paladins. He has a good heart and is always ready to reach out in kindness first. It is a wonderful quality needed to pilot the yellow lion.”

Lotor nodded in agreement. The yellow paladin had been the most agreeable towards him. He spoke to Shiro more, but it was in secret dealings and plans. Friendship did not spark during meetings regarding the future of the Galra empire or prisoner exchanges.

“You speak well of him, so I shall try harder for the both of us princess,” he said.

Allura took a sip from her tea before she spoke again.

“He found the tea in a shop at the Space Mall. Coran had us perform these horrible shows for the coalition, and the Space Mall served us well.”

Usually Lotor kept his more sincere smiles to a minimum, but the princess seemed to have a way to bring them out.

Besides he couldn’t pass up the chance.

“Yes, I heard about those -- _Keith_.”

Allura’s face and ears turned the brightest shade of red. Lotor struggled to keep in the snickers of laughter he was desperate to let out. His propriety, and self discipline were quickly crumbling. But his smile was growing wider and wider.

“Oh laugh already you monster,” she said. Her eyes were narrowed with impotent rage. Her blushing face made it hard for Lotor to feel any fear whatsoever.

“Forgive me princess I would never,” then chuckled. “But these are difficult circumstances,” he said as he finally gave in to the laughter.

Lotor’s smile was wide, and true and Allura eventually join him. Her own smile growing, as she laughed at herself. She ducked her head down and turned her face away in an attempt to hide her still present smile as the laughter died down.

“It clearly worked, so I see no need for embarrassment. Your coalition grew and you found many new allies.”

She turned back towards him, but with a raised brow at his practical words.

“Yes, it was successful. I’m glad for that. I’m also glad I didn’t have to suffer it alone.” Her eyes grew soft at what Lotor assumed were fond memories.

“We had gone the first time in search of lenses for the teludav. I wasn’t permitted to go because Coran feared I’d be swindled by some Unilu shopkeep.”

“The Unilu? They were a much more -- um, ‘cunning’ people deca-phoebs ago, but no more.”

“I know!” Allura exclaimed sitting up straight at her own outrage. Her eyes widened as the tea cup shook, sloshing about in her hand. She moved to sit back down and regain her former regal posture. A faint blush the only remnant of her sudden outburst.

“I mean-- I had figured, but Coran forbade it. He had a poor experience once where he almost traded his new ship for some rubbish, and father had been furious.”

He huffed a small laugh that to the inexperienced would sound more like a sigh.

“I truly am envious of you princess. I wish I could have known the universe as Alfor did. See it in all it’s freedom and glory. None of the war the Galra have perpetuated.”

“Lotor” her words carried with them a sense of pity he could not bear. He shook his head at her tone, and looked up at her.

“No Princess, please let us not dwell on what was, only on what could be.”

Her eyes softened at his words. She quickly looked away and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. His eyes traced the movement of her hand as she did so. It was odd of him to be so enraptured in such a small gesture, but it moved the hair on the back of his neck. It was as if a spark went down his spine.

“Tell me something else?” Lotor asked, his voice deep, but soft. The tenderness in her eyes didn’t go away and she nodded her head in agreement.

“The paladins are from a planet called Earth. They say it’s very blue, and green, mostly made out of water. Their species is called “humans”, a type of mammalian primitive as the scanners on the castle describe, but one that has evolved over millions of years.”

“Hmmm are they an advanced race? The paladins are quite good at piloting the lions, have they some experience from their own ships?” Lotor wondered.

“I don’t think so, from what they’ve told me they have just begun their own space explorations. These are limited because their people are divided by ‘countries’, different provinces in different continents. These countries have their own individual leaders, and they can find working together to be ‘complicated’, or so Shiro has tried to explain to me.”

“They have no unified ruler?”

“Not that the paladins have said. Shiro explained that he and Hunk and Lance, had families that immigrated to the country they all originally lived in called America. He says it’s why they all have such different facial features, the species of human itself has multiple races and ethnicities within it.”

“Similar to the Galra or Altean genetics you think?”

Their interest in the conversation was growing and they moved closer to each other in their excitement. They fully turned to face one another. Lotor eyes were expanded with interest, his eyes and ears eager for the Princess’ words.

“It’s a unique species itself, they’ve had no contact with outside planets so they’ve never mated with a different species. There was an original human ancestor, but they seem to have evolved differently over the ages. They had an even older ancestor, this is what Pidge has told me, that used to be amphibious. They are quite the ambitious species.”

“Forgive me Princess, but-- is that why their ears are so round?” He winced in his crass question. He felt rather rude for asking, but it had been on his mind.

She gasped her mouth turning into a wide O in her shock. Then she broke out into brief laughter, her hand moving quickly to cover her mouth and hide her embarrassment.

“I’m sorry…” his apology drifted off as she began to shake her head back and forth.

“No, don’t be I know how you feel. I asked Lance as soon as I awoke. Even with all my experience as a diplomat, and meeting with other planetary species my first thought was that there was something wrong with them. Father would have had my head for being so rude.”

She took another deep sip from her tea cup, finishing it. She passed the dish to him and he set it aside on the desk next to the tea set.

“It seems it’s a natural occurrence with humans, their round ears.” Allura fiddled with hers, reaching up to the tip and running her fingers over it.

Again Lotor watched her movements with great attention, and the ripple up his spine came back with vengeance.

“You’ve grown very fond of them. You’ve built your own team Princess Allura just as our fathers once did. Your father and the paladins of old would be proud of you.”

He realized after he said it that it felt more like a statement, a fact, then a compliment.

“They have been instrumental in our success not only as paladins. They have all taught me a great deal about myself.”

He stared as she spoke, following the movement of her lips, and how they shifted. Her ears, he noticed, would wiggle a little bit when she spoke. Their time together was growing more frequent in the last few days and it was becoming hard for Lotor to ignore these small quirks.

“Did you have anyone like that?”

“Hmmm?...I’m sorry princess I lost myself in thought for a moment,” he said trying to overcompensate for his staring.

“Did you have anyone who stood by you? Their strengths made you stronger, like the paladins have done for me.”

Lotor turned his thoughts to his fierce generals. Once they were unbreakable, their friendship forged by loyalty, and trust. The witch had polluted that once everlasting bond. Haggar, made him frantic, and mistrustful. His actions regarding Narti’s death were necessary, but when had had more time to reflect on it his thoughts varied. Mostly he wished he had acted differently, if only so he didn’t end up alone and scrambling.

Lotor realized he had been silent for too long. He looked at the princess who was silently studying his face, as he had hers.

“I did, my generals.”

“What were they like?” Allura asked. “I’d only ever faced them in battle. My opponent was tall, and very strong. She matched me in strength with little difficulty, which is not easy when I shift sizes, or exert my real power.”

Lotor chuckled to himself. “Zethrid, yes she is quite formidable. I can see her giving you trouble, she enjoys a challenge.” She smiled smugly at his statement of “being a challenge”, and he chuckled again. He shared in Allura’s pride, and in his own regarding his former general.

“I must say I was a bit surprised that all your high generals were women.” He looked at her, watching her movements, as she got up and walked over to the tea set, and began to refill her cup.

“Why?”

“Most Galra commanders we’ve encountered were men. I assumed there was a preference for men or something.”

“No, not really, Galra rise through right of combat and skill. It’s not partial to men or women just strength. I chose my generals for their loyalty, strengths, and skills. But it did give me some comfort to raise up others like myself, half breeds, who would otherwise be despised by the Galra. The purity of the bloodlines is important to Galra, especially in roles of leadership such as a military officer.”

Lotor’s face grew dark, and his eyes narrowed in anger, as he spoke again.

“Or in the line of succession.”

He turned his face up to Allura, she was staring down at him with that strange look of half pity. Most Galra turned their noses at “half breeds”, and pity was not a trait they knew. It was not something he had wanted from the princess, pity, it felt wrong. But the look was gone before his overthinking got the better of him.

She reached a hand out to him. He was confused and looked at her hand, then to her face. Her eyes moved down to the empty cup in his lap.

Lotor’s face changed in mild surprise. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open. It quickly changed to a small pleased smile, at her offer. He handed the cup back to her, with a ‘thank you’ and she filled it as easily as she had the first time. Allura gave him back the cup and moved to sit at the end of the bed once more.

“One of our paladins is half Galra,” she said.

If Lotor was stunned at that bit of information he did not easily show it. A simple pause in his sip was the only indication that he had been taken by surprise.

“Really, which one? Forgive me, but I don’t see the resemblance.”

“He’s not here with us anymore. He’s the real Keith from the shows. He once piloted the red, and briefly the black lion, but now he works more _indirectly_ for the coalition.”

Lotor gave that statement a much deeper pause. He knew a lie when he heard one. His gaze drifted over Allura. She sipped at her tea demurely, as if she had not boldly lied to his face. There was truth in her statement, which is why she spoke with ease, but there was a quick flick in her eyes downward to her cup that he disliked. She continued to stare down at the cup only looking up in flashes to wait for his response.

“That is quite surprising Princess. If I’m being honest I did not think you would allow someone of Galra blood to pilot your father’s lion.”

He was also surprised by how the princess had become more interesting now because of her lie.

“I had no idea he was Galra, he had no idea either. It was a surprise to all of us when we found out. It was a definite shock.” She paused and sighed deeply before she spoke again, and when she did she still didn’t meet his eyes.

“Honestly, I’m rather ashamed with how I acted. I was cold, and cruel at times. It seems ridiculous now, but at the time I honestly felt like he was to blame. I laid all the horror that had happened to my people, to the universe, on his shoulders.”

He stayed silent as the princess confessed. The princess met his gaze once then turned away from him; her eyes were filled with such honest sorrow. Allura caused emotions to change within him so quickly, in one moment duplicity and in another sympathy.

“You were right about me, before, in the prison chambers. I had preconceived notions about the Galra, they were shared by everyone, but that didn’t make it right. I see that now. Keith helped me realize that -- and now so have you.”

She looked at him now, no more hiding or brief glances. This confession from her made him feel new, and raw. It was too much to look into the Princess’ eyes, but he couldn't look away. He was drawn into the sorrowful depths of her gaze.

He knew when he came to the paladins that he would need their trust, but to have it come so easily, and without question from Allura herself made him feel somewhat remorseful. Lotor had come with less than honest intentions regarding Voltron, and Allura, but it was different now.

He wanted her trust, her cooperation. But he also wanted to see her many smiles, to see her bright, beautiful, and glorious as she deserved. He couldn’t help but be affectionate towards the woman who said such things about him, with such honesty, no one had ever said them before.

The emotions were still swirling within him when he spoke again, so he deflected rather than continue feeling anything more for the princess. Before something inside of him clawed its way to the surface.

“I must thank this Keith then, on behalf of the Galra. We owe him a great deal.” He raised his cup in salute. Allura chuckled quietly, keeping the small laugh mostly to herself. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“You’re funny. I didn’t anticipate that.” Her voice held a surprised tone.

“I like to make you laugh. I didn’t anticipate that either Princess,” he said.

Lotor had responded so quickly he didn’t actually understand the princess’ wide eyes and blushing face until he reflected on his own words. A blush came to his face as well. He was surprised at himself, he usually showed more restraint with his words. But he had just blurted out exactly what had been on his mind. His head was clouded with her, and had been for sometime, but he couldn’t fault what he said in the spur of the moment.

It had been the truth.

The real shock was that his next words came out as a stutter.

“Pr--Princess please pardon me-- I don’t”

Allura shook her head once more in a fervid ‘No’. Lotor made a poor attempt to hide his red face by quickly gulping down his drink. He shielded himself with the cup and waited for the princess to forgive him.

“It’s fine, laughter is a refreshing change,” she said.

He put the now empty cup back down and looked at the Altean princess. His pulse had skyrocketed since his admission, but now it seemed insistent on maintaining the fast pace as the princess’ and his eyes remained locked.

Embarrassment grew within him, something he was not familiar, or at all comfortable with. He could not bear the direct gaze of the Altean any longer, so he turned away in favor of placing his tea cup on the desk. Lotor felt odd feeling so awkward, another emotion the Princess brought out that he was very unfamiliar with.

“What else about this Earth?” Lotor asked. He reached out a hand to take her empty tea cup. She did and he placed it on the desk next to his.

Allura turned away from him and stretched her legs out over the side of the bed. She looked up at the ceiling, perhaps in thought, but Lotor took the chance to study the length of her neck.

“Oh! Cows and milkshakes! I should tell you about those you’d love them!” The young Altean’s excitement was practically tangible after her initial gasp. She turned back to look at him with the widest smile he’d seen on her yet.

“We have a cow here actually!” Lotor was confused by her excitement. It was radiating from her very smile. It made no sense to him but he wanted to share in her joy.

“What is this ‘cow’ Princess?” he asked. His eyebrow was raised in her question, but the smirk on his lips said he thought it would be silly.

“It’s another mammalian creature from Earth, a bovine. It’s raised for the production of milk, a calcium enriched liquid.” She explained it as if it was the simplest thing in the galaxy.

Allura reached up and took her hair down from the high bun that it was placed in. There was a soft, floral smell, with the barest hint of musk. Lotor watched her shake out her silvery hair, combing through the stands with her fingers. Taking in the whole experience, the sights, the smells, was intoxicating.

Allura was at complete ease with him. He realized that she was comfortable in here with him like no one else was before. None of those who referred to him as half breed or Altean. Not even his generals who had stood beside him.

Allura was able to just be herself. To be a girl. The concept was foreign to Lotor. It made him want to be simple, to just be a boy, to just be Lotor. Someone who could look at a beautiful girl and just be.

Lotor had always been full of grand ideas and impossible dreams. He had never wanted simple before.

“...Alright. Why should I be interested? Why are you so excited?” He said trying to break out of his own thoughts, and share in her excitement.

“Because Lotor they make milk, which when pasteurized can become creamy, and then when you freeze it you can add sugar to it. Which makes iced cream for milkshakes.” She continued to untangle her hair, as she explained herself and her bovine.

“Allura you’re not making any sense,” he said trying to wrap his mind around this creature and its excretions.

The girl in front of him seemed like she had no sense of her responsibilities. He was envious once more of her in her abilities to so easily revert back to her innocent nature. It was something he had never had, so he usually despised it. But as usual with Allura she had the ability to temper his more destructive moods.

“Ugh Lotor you just don’t understand this isn’t something I can explain. The process of getting the milk is absolutely revolting. Lance showed me and Coran and it was almost impossible for us to even look at Kaltenecker for over a movement.”

She turned her body away from him again. Now giving him the full view of her profile.

“What did he do to it?” he asked.

He studied her profile in great detail, particularly tracing the shape of her nose with his eyes. Every little detail about her now that intrigued him. He collected each one and would keep it locked in his mind to ponder over when he was alone.

“He milked it, as he described, but he simply kept yanking on parts of the creature. But when he did so the unprocessed liquid came out of her... I’m not actually sure what part of her it came out of, but it was horrifying. I wish could thank her though or offer some relief for her troubles. I’m not able to communicate with the creature.”

“You’re not?”

“No only humans on Earth seem to have the ability to verbally communicate with one another. The other living creatures can’t.”

“Hmm odd”

“Yes, I agree as well. But the milkshakes Lotor...” she fell back on the bed as she said this. Her arms flung about over her head.

His name carried off and turned into a strange cross between a sigh and a moan. This got Lotor’s and his cock’s attention. The prince had gotten his emotions in check and had been relatively calm in these past moments, but when he saw the princess fall back on his bed and moan his name. He was not mentally prepared.

The princess turned her gaze on him, her face full of smiles. The prince tried to share in her happiness, but he was now distracted by the lines her soft sleeping dress created. This emotion was pure lust, simple enough for him to understand, but it had never been directed towards Allura. It also never come over him so suddenly before.

He felt stirrings in his lower half as his eyes followed the long line of the princess’ form as it stretched over and off the edge of his bed. He sat back farther and rested himself against the headboard. The slight shift was to hide any growing hardness from the Altean princess. Lotor began to feel tension in his muscles, and warmth pooling in his lower half. He focused himself in his next question to avoid looking at her any longer.

“Well Princess, tell me more about these milkshakes?” he asked. His voice was a bit deeper he realized, and he faked a small throat clearing sound to throw off any suspicion.

Allura looked at him for a moment then pointed to the tea pot and its cups, gesturing to see if he wanted more tea to soothe his throat. He shook his head in a silent no, his indignity already drawing more attention from her then he wanted. She closed her eyes, and turned her head back to the ceiling.

“Milkshakes, are a drink the humans created from the processed and frozen cow milk. It’s absolutely divine,” she said. “They take the milk and add flavorings to it. Hunk added the seeds of a pod he found on Arus. He said they taste like his Earth ‘vanilla’. He’s been growing the plant for a steady supply here in the castle. I’m not sure what vanilla is, but the drink is thick, and creamy, with a delicate sweetness. Coran and I couldn’t get enough of it.”

Lotor was realizing quickly that milkshakes were clearly the wrong topic of conversation for them in his current situation. Every word out of her mouth went straight to his loins. He had felt himself harden to half mast at the word thick. This whole conversation made him feel like a feeble minded boy again training with Dayak.

The drink in question seemed to bring about a carnality in Allura, that both aroused and surprised him. Lotor began to think that these drinks might be some kind of Earth aphrodisiac. Perhaps the yellow paladin had a crush on the princess like the blue paladin did.

He knew there were few who looked on Allura with a tender eye, he would now count himself among those. He was slightly fond of her he knew, and grew more so as they spent more time together.

But in this instant it was not a chaste fondness that was growing in him. It was a desperation that could only lead to madness.

It had to be madness that had him move from his side of the bed to be closer to her. Lotor slid himself a little closer at a time. He did so gently as to not move the bed and disturb the tranquil scene before him.

The princess was still reclined on his bed and he watched each breath she drew. The steady rise and fall of her chest. Her long hair was spread out across the bed, and her arms were still resting by her head.

He looked down on her from his new vantage point. He took in every fine detail of her. He tried to look for the all the things that he had found and admired in her, on face. The determination in her brow, for bravery in her strong jaw. He stared at her mouth the longest hoping to find the source of her kindness, and the words that so moved him. All these traits he had seen in many others, but he wanted to know which of them within her had bewitched him.

“What else Princess? Tell me one more thing.” he asked.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. Lotor realized for the second time that night that by giving into the madness he had made another mistake.

When she looked up at him he saw in his mind’s eye the unfolding of a dark fantasy. One where he would climb on top of the princess, intertwine his hands with hers, and kiss her long and deep. A dream where he took off the thin robe she wore, tasted the skin of her shoulders, and ended with his face deep between her legs.

“What do you want to know Lotor?”

 _The taste of your cunt_ , was his first thought.

“Something about you Allura,” ended up as his response. She paused for a tick to think of an answer.

“My favorite flower is a juniberry, it grew in the mountains of Altea,” she said.

“A juniberry,” he said. A soft smile had the rare opportunity to grace his lips. He looked down at the princess, her own gaze meeting his. She nodded her head.

The two stared at one another for another tick before Allura rose from her supine position only to be a breath away from Lotor’s face. Lotor couldn’t help himself and quickly looked at her lips then back to her eyes.

“It was pink with three petals and had a sweet fragrance. They produced a berry that was sweet but tart.”

She smiled and her eyes faded in focus, as if she was looking at something far away. “The berry juice would stain my dress,” she said with a soft chuckle at the end. He let out a little snicker as well in an attempt to share in her memory, but he was more interested in the length of her eyelashes.

Everything about her had now become a temptation. His heart was pounding, he kept breathing in the scent of her and her hair. Their closeness was something that he had never wanted to happen, but an idea and reality Lotor realized are different things.

Allura focused her gaze back on him, and seemed to realize how close they were. It seemed as if there was something she wanted, or wanted him to do. She moved her eyes across his face, up then down, then back up again. The princess leaned in closer by a fraction, and Lotor didn’t know why but he felt inclined to do the same.

She stopped short though, the princess froze and looked at him with wide eyes, and back tracked her movements. She withdrew from Lotor and moved farther away back to the end of the bed.

“I’m terribly sorry I’ve kept you up longer than I anticipated,” she said. The princess got up from the bed in a flash and in the same movement made her way to the desk where the tea set rested.

Lotor would have felt stung and hurt if he had known what they had been hurtling towards, but as it was he was just confused by the princess’ quick actions. Thankfully his brain moved faster then the rest of his body.

“Not at all Princess I barely noticed the time.”

“I’ve talked half the night away. I’m sure you’re sick of me now and no doubt tired. We need our rest for tomorrow.”

Allura was picking up the tea cups, and putting the tea tray back in order. Lotor had gotten up half way through her sentence, and had made his way over to the flustered princess. He stood behind her and put his hand on top of hers. She stopped what she had been doing and turned her head; their faces inches from each other’s.

“I enjoy our time together Allura, no matter what,” he said.

She turned away from him again, and began to fiddle with the crockery once more.

“As do I Lotor,” she said with voice just above a whisper.

Allura picked up the tray and turned back to the former prince. He was thankful when he saw her that his armor was able to cover his sex, which had up until that moment remained undecided in terms of soft or hard. He had been about half mast for the better part of a varga, but when the princess turned back to him with the tray, his lower half had decided enough was enough.

The soft, thin robe the princess wore had fallen off of one shoulder. It now hung off one side and the princess’ efforts to get it back on had only caused it to fall more. Now most of her left shoulder was bare.

The madness returned to Lotor, and with it came dangerous consequences. It was like he watched his own actions from outside is body in that moment.

Lotor moved to tug the delicate robe back over her shoulder. His claws lightly dragged over her soft skin.

With her clothing back in place, and tea tray collected Allura was free to leave, but she didn’t. She stared right into Lotor’s eyes, her breath coming soft and quick, as if trying to steady itself to a more even rhythm; like she had been holding it.

It was easy for Lotor to notice her uneven breathing, but as he did he also unintentionally observed another aspect of her. As her chest rose and fell he took a quick glance at her breasts.

Just a _quick_ look.

Her breasts were round and shapely, and as her breath began to steady he noticed the left one was a little bigger than the right one.

He also noticed her nipples were hard.

They were peeking through the white gown. Lotor thought, in the right light, he would be able to tell their color. He pictured a dusky brown, and beauty mark somewhere hidden on one of her areolas. A hidden secret he imagined kissing, teasing, and licking to his heart’s content. His thoughts were interrupted though by an alarming, and shattering thought.

Allura was aroused. She was aroused because of him.

Lotor focused his gaze back to the Princess’ eyes. They were wide with panic. She stared up into his eyes refusing to break their staring contest first. He knew then that her fear wasn’t of him, but of what they might do. The idea filled him an overwhelming need.

Did she imagine just as he did? Of his hands running over her body, or of his tongue exploring her depths. What it would feel like as he took her again and again.

Allura backed up, walking backwards tea tray in both hands like a barrier, one step at a time. Lotor moved in sync with her, following his prey as she tried to escape him.

He felt foolish for denying the madness for so long. Now that he knew that it called her too.

Allura’s back hit the closed doors, and her gaze never faltered as Lotor moved in. He never realized how much he towered over her in height until that moment. He braced his left arm above the princess, crowding her against the door, and him.

“Thank you for the tea and the company Allura,” he said. He thought of grabbing the tray and throwing it across the room, so he could hold her against his body like he wanted.

“You’re very welcome Lotor,” she said.

The princess tilted her head back against the door, looking up at him. He brought his right hand to the tray, letting it hover over Allura’s. She looked down at their almost joined hands then back at him.

“Do you need any help? Or an escort?” He asked. It was a simple excuse to keep her around longer, to just be near her. He didn't know his next move, his brain was clouded with surprise and lust. Lotor didn't know how to process his own feelings towards her let alone hers towards him.

“No, I’ll be fine thank you.”

“Then, good night Allura” he said.

He reached for the panel next to her head, to open the doors. He did and they opened instantly forcing Allura back a step. She was now outside his room, to continue their little game would be to admit it ever existed. She held her position for a tick, Lotor hoped she would come back inside.

“Good night” she said.

She stayed still, they both did, waiting to see what their next move would be. He couldn't tell if Allura was braver, or just as timid as he was and took a step forward towards her room. She turned away and continued down the dark hallway. Lotor watched her leave, then switched his fingers to the close button on the panel. The doors shut with a quick whoosh, and then he was alone.

He leaned forward and rested his forehead on the door. He breathed in the lingering scent of Allura, their dance had tired and disoriented him. He needed to focus, he needed to calm down. The princess’ interest had taken him by surprise. The former prince stayed there against his door for a dobosh fighting the two conflicting urges within himself. He needed to maintain his mission and gain the quintessence for the Galra, but now another half of him fought to find out the real color of Allura’s nipples.

Lotor pounded his fist on the door. He needed to distract himself from his arousal and clear his head of lust. He needed to remember his goals and why he was there in the first place.

He tugged off his boots and his armor. The heavy chest piece was placed next to the door. Then he moved to the boots, and as he removed one he placed it by door with his armor. He tugged off his gloves one finger at a time as he paced his room.

He wanted her that was plain, and it seemed that the princess was interested. She was beautiful, kind, and brave. He could call it lust plain and simple and be done with this confusion, but when he thought of her it always of her smiling. There was something deeper between them, or at least he wanted there to be, but he knew that above all they had been brought together for some unknown reason. It was that thought alone that drove him to challenge his own logic.

Lotor moved back towards his desk and started undoing his belt which held up the rest of his outer armor. As he shedded his layers he contemplated what his plans for the princess were.

If he were to listen to his groin it would tell him to think more of the feel of Allura’s skin. But now there was a part of him that thought more of her, that wanted more from her. His heart raced at the thought of the princess’ bare skin beneath his fingers. He untied his belt and threw it down on the desk chair. The tassets of his armor were next, hitting the desk with a solid thud.

The former prince felt rattled. He knew when he made the decision to come to Voltron that he would probably have to befriend a paladin, gain their trust, and use it as a way to be closer to the princess.

This was far closer to the princess then he anticipated.

He knew what he was doing was dangerous, so Lotor couldn’t understand for the life of him why he would pursue her. She was the most crucial part of his plan, if she felt even the slightest bit of doubt it could set him back by movements. He’d never considered this approach, he wanted real results, real feelings of trust from her. He grew cold at the idea of losing all the progress he had made. His arousal slipping and giving way to logic and reason.

He continued to strip down his last layer of clothing, his pants, leaving him only in his black underwear. He folded the pants and placed them on the desk next to the rest of his armor. The bed called to him and he pulled back the thick blanket and laid down. Lotor’s brain was still buzzing, and while he was tired he knew sleep would not yet come.

Without Allura this would have been for nothing, and the Galra would continue to rip apart the universe. His mother’s work would go unfinished and his father would have been right about his failures. An idea that stopped him cold, he would never let his Altean heritage become a ‘weakness’ as his father described, he would rise above. Lotor’s life work depended on Allura and her knowledge of Altean alchemy. He was too close to achieving his dreams, and to ruin it with something as trivial as lust was out of the question.

Yet as he laid in bed, looking at the ceiling, Lotor couldn’t help but think that none of what he felt could be categorized as trivial or simple. There was a bond forming between them, it had started on Galra Command, and grew stronger on Oriande. It was the first time in his life he felt like he had a partner in his quest, someone who could stand on equal footing with him. Lotor had been exaggerating when he spoke of an alliance between the Galra and Altea. He had meant it metaphorically for their fathers, he had never considered a real alliance.

But now as he thought more of it he could see a new future in his mind’s eye. One where he and Allura were united, Galra and Altea. A future where they could be one voice, where she stood by his side as a ruler, a future where she was his.

Lotor flipped over to his side, to hide his face in shame. The wall against his bed hid his eyes widened by surprise, and his rising blush. It was disgraceful for the Galra Emperor to be seen so weak, and as he thought of Allura his humiliation only increased.

He thought of her next to him as he addressed his people, bathed in starlight with a crown upon her head. She would be loved and adored by their people, the two of them a voice of reason and peace in the galaxy. They could be happy that way, Lotor would do everything in his power to make it so. He wanted her happy. He watched her smiles, and her laughs and he wanted to be the one that made them happen. It was selfish, but wanted them for himself as well.

Lotor turned to the other side, still unable to fall asleep or gain any control over his thoughts for the princess. He looked out to his room, combing over every place Allura had stood. He felt foolish, and shut his eyes. He turned his face deeper into his pillow and tried to think of something else.

He thought of his father and mother, how their ill-advised romance led to the destruction of Daibazaal, Altea, and so many others. There was no way he could pursue a relationship, there was too much at stake now. As a boy he had admired his parents love. Now as a grown man he wondered, if his parents had remained the people the had once been how different his and Allura’s lives could have been, or perhaps not so different. He tried to think of what Alfor’s opinion of him would have been. Lotor opened his eyes again and turned back towards the ceiling.

Any trace of sleep or fatigue was gone from him, his mind was running and it seemed that he would be getting no sleep that night. Lotor stared at the ceiling and let his mind drift. He tried counting, and meditation; he cycled through training methods he knew to relax and clear his mind, but he couldn’t stop thinking about the princess. His mind danced around the pros and cons of any _intimacy_ between them.

With that thought in his head Lotor had one final idea left to relax him into sleep. He peered down back at his trousers. He had succeeded in conquering his lust with his overthinking; his erection had completely softened. He looked back up at the ceiling and sighed. He felt rather guilty for using the princess this way. But he needed his sleep and if the princess was going to be on his mind either way Lotor might as well stop fighting his desires and give in.

He reached into his pants and grabbed his cock. He pulled the rest of his underwear down with the other, and freed his balls. He blew out the air from his cheeks in a steady breath, and enjoyed the quick brace of cold to his sex with a roll of his hips.

He closed his eyes and indulged his dark fantasies regarding the princess. He dreamt her back in his room, in only her white sleeping dress. She came back to him. Lotor pictured her walking into his room slowly, reaching up to take her hair down. She would come to him with kisses and dark lustful whispers. He thought back to the soft smell, and wondered what it could be. She would sit back down on the bed; she wanting to watch him.

Allura drags a finger down from his chest to his groin, and Lotor takes his own free hand and with one clawed finger mimics her actions. His cock twitches in his hand, and he brings his other to cup his balls. He gives them a gentle squeeze; once, twice, then pulls away slowly if only to savor the denial.

He curls his right hand tighter around his member pumping it up and down. His left he lets drag up and down his thigh. He pictures the princess between his legs now. Her own nails raking across his thighs as she brings herself closer to his sex. The princess’ pretty lips wrap themselves carefully around his cock. His thumb and index finger tighten around his head, and when dream Allura’s tongue licks at the slit of his cock his thumb follows her actions. Lotor’s hips buck, and precum spills out of the tip. He swirls his thumb over the head to slicken himself.

“Oh fuck” he sighed, his balls started to tighten.

The princess had changed positions again, after she let his cock slip from her mouth with a pop. She tugged at the straps of her thin dress, slipping her arms out. Her breasts were free. The dress dropped down to her waist, so there was nothing between them anymore. Her nipples were still a dusky brown. More precum came out, as she ran her hands up and down her breasts cupping them, and teasing them for his enjoyment. Lotor used the precum to slicken himself even more.

She looked down at him, he reached a hand to her breast to squeeze it. She mewled at his actions, and squirmed. The more she sighed the harder he got, he felt his orgasm coming, so he twisted his hand hard. He enjoyed the slight pain for a brief moment, and released himself entirely.

Allura moved above him now coming to rest on his thighs. He shifted his legs up, giving him the ability to add to his momentum. He braced his feet and rolled his hips up to meet his vision. She was bare underneath her gown. It had pooled at her waist, and hid their bodies. But he could feel it, imagine it, her folds spread out, their sexes touching. The soft lips of her pussy rubbing against his cock. Lotor’s hand took his balls gently in hand fondling them one at a time, and then he pressed the heel of his hand to his cock. He thrusted into his heel, adjusting the pressure when needed, squeezing his sack on occasion. His toes curled, and his ass tightened as his back arched off the bed. He teased her with every roll of his hips. She threw her head back and called his name.

_‘Lotor. Lotor, please.’_

His free hand gripped at the sheets. His claws digging in at them causing small tears in the fabric. He was breathing hard and fast, so it was easy enough for him to notice the smell. He was ripped from his fantasy in an instant, and like a mad hound he took a deep breath to search for the source of Allura’s scent.

He sat up, let go of himself, and reached for the sheets. Lotor grabbed them tight in both hands. He brought them to his face, and took a deep breath. There it was, how did he not notice it before, the soft floral scent of Allura. He rocked up to his knees and pulled the rest of the soft sheets towards him. The fragrant aroma of her soap probably or whatever perfumed her hair had been left on his bed when the princess had laid on it. His erection grew harder than before with every shuddering breath of her he took. He took himself in hand again, surrounding himself with her as he firmly stroked his aching member.

He was desperate, the more he touched the further he fell. Allura was all around him now, but in his mind’s eye he saw her beneath him. Her hair fanned out on his bed, her lithe figure bare to him as he took her, her breath coming in gasps and whispers. Her legs wide open resting on his thighs. She looked up at him her eyes heavy lidded with pleasure.

‘Make me come Lotor.’

Lotor fell to all fours, and dragged the rest of the blanket to him. He was aching, and grew closer to his end as he clutched at a piece of the blanket bringing it to his face to breathe in the fading scent of the princess. He rose up, and took the balled up blanket in one hand and began to thrust into the other hand. Allura moaned and threw her head back as he fucked her. He wanted his very being to meld with hers, there was no logic to his thoughts. He just wanted Allura to be his, and to be hers in turn. His hands gripped her waist, it was small and soft, she clutched at his arms pulling him closer. Lotor grabbed the blanket tighter in his fist, imagining her hips moving in time with his. The bed began to shake underneath him, groaning under the force of his thrusts.

He moaned her name, the princess consumed him, and he didn’t care he wanted to lose himself in her. He couldn’t keep his focus, and he could feel the build up coming to its end. He tossed the blanket back to the end of the bed, and positioned himself on his hands and knees again. His breathing was hard, coming more in grunts and hoarse pants. Lotor needed more, he spat in his palm, and took himself in hand again. He pumped himself hard and fast, thinking of her soft folds. His hips sped up as he fucked his fist. The princess cried out, and turned his name into her prayer, over and over she desperately chanted.

_Lotor, Lotor, Yes, Yes, More, Please Lotor Please_

He pulled out, long and deep, only to slam back into her silky depths. He fell forward face first into the sheets, balancing himself on one arm, as his orgasm began to take over. Lotor’s cock was throbbing in his hand. His back arched, and Allura’s name came out more as a growl. His release hit the bed below him. He sat back on his knees and let his come fall were Allura had laid. He shuddered and tried to catch his breath. His fist pumped out the last of it, and it spilled over his fist milky and thick. He took it and rubbed it in with the rest of his come on the sheets, letting his essence mix with the last of Allura’s. There was no differentiating the scents now, Allura’s floral smell and the musky scent of his come had become something new, it permeated the whole room.

Lotor basked in it, and laid back down not even trying to avoid the wet spot. He didn’t want to, he wanted it to seep into the mattress, his clothes, the air. Lotor was drained and tired, his actions had had their desired effect and he was already falling asleep.

But regarding his other problem, his dilemma had only worsened. He had wanted his sinful thoughts of the princess to end, and by giving into his desires he thought they would disappear like a figment of his imagination.

Now he wanted the princess more than ever, but as Lotor began to fall asleep he knew that even if he could claim her he could never keep her.

 

* * *

 

 

Lotor made his way down the dim hallway, walking and reviewing his report of Oriande one last time before he handed it over to the princess. He wanted it to be perfect, and make sure that everything was accurate to his and Allura’s standards.

Lotor paused before he knocked on the princess’ door. He had wanted to see her all day, their interactions the night before had confused him. He knew desire when he saw it, and it had been in her eyes. They had played a dangerous game last night. His actions afterward only fueled the fears he had spent the whole day deliberating over.

He had contemplated his feelings, the confusion and joy he received from the princess’ attentions. Lotor enjoyed her presence, a like mind with kind heart. But the bond he imagined last night was not there, it was nothing except a lust fueled delusion he told himself. He was too proud to admit aloud that there were times he felt lonely amongst his fellow Galra. Despised for his Altean blood Lotor had only found solace in those who were cast out like he had been. His generals’ half blood nature had given him comrades. Now alone he figured he was only projecting his feelings onto Allura.

Allura, a beautiful Altean princess, and a child of a paladin of Voltron. Now alone in the universe like he was, there were so many similarities between them. So of course he felt stirrings towards her, but they were the feelings of fantastical nonsense Dayak should have drilled out of him at a young age. Affection and lust were simple emotions to understand, there was nothing to be confused by he told himself. There was nothing more there.

The issue though was lust, and that weakness needed to be dealt with. He had seen many foolish rulers lose themselves to such stupidity, but in regards to Allura he knew it was real. His mind had been so clouded last night and he had awoken today, from a dreamless sleep, surrounded by the smell of come and the faint hint of perfume on his sheets. Lotor knew he had taken a step down a treacherous path. He could not let the madness that had surrounded Allura, that had clouded his mind have him again.

A dalliance with the princess would only end with trouble.

She would want more, and Lotor couldn’t give her that. Not when so much depended on their success in the quintessence fields. His tentative partnership with Voltron was not well received amongst his fellow Galra he knew, and many still despised him, or considered him a traitor. To add to their rage by pursuing Allura would only cause dissension amongst the ranks.

In the deepest, darkest, recesses of his soul where kindness was buried. He knew what Allura would want, what she deserved.

_Love_

Lotor could not give her that, not even if he tried. He had never known love, so it would be foolish of him to try and offer it.

So when he came to her door that night he vowed to himself that he would be civil but firm, and he that he would deal with these feelings with a rational mind. Lotor never dealt with uncertainties, he thrived on reason and truths, and the princess’ feelings were an unknown variable.

He knocked on the door, and it opened with a quick swoop. He walked in looking around the room for Allura. It was dimly lit, everything had a faint soft blue tint. There was a large bed in the center of the room with white sheets, and above it there were sheer drapes that hung at different angles around the room. There were more curtains dividing the room. He heard the princess’ footsteps coming from the other adjoining room.

He coughed softly to alert her of his presence. Her movements stopped altogether and they both waited in the silence. He felt his heart leap to his throat, this new nervousness was unwelcome. Their camaraderie had come easy since Oriande, but now with his mind polluted by thoughts of her screaming his name he didn’t know how to handle himself around her. He needed everything to seem normal between them, he couldn’t alert her to his own feelings. Lotor took a deep breathe and let it out slowly to calm himself. Then another breath to give him the strength to remain aloof.

“Coran?” she asked. There was trepidation in her voice. She had opened her doors rather quickly, he supposed she was just confused that it wasn’t her fellow Altean.

“No, Princess Allura apologies it's Lotor.”

There was a quick scuffle behind the curtain, a series of squeaks, and shuffling footsteps. Various glass bottles crashed into one another with rounded tinkling sounds. The princess came rushing out from the adjoining room, clutching the curtain for support.

“Lotor, hi, hello I’m sorry I thought you were Coran.”

She spoke with an unusual amount of excitement. Her voice was a tad higher as well; he figured he had caught her off guard. She sped over to where he stood by her door, a spring in her step, and took both his hands in hers.

“How are you? What are you doing here?” she asked.

Her words came out so quickly he couldn’t get a word in. Lotor’s eyes widened as he looked down at their joined hands, but he eagerly returned her hold. Allura was happy to have him here, he realized, her joy was easy to see and he wondered when he had become to so dear to the princess.

He ran his thumbs over the back of her hands, and smiled at the princess. She had ended his feeble attempts at distance before he had even had a chance to put them into action. Her simple touch had calmed his mind. He looked down at their hands again, he took a deep breath and then let it out. It was all so easy for her. Did she not wrestle with her own emotions, did she not think of the consequences these feelings could have for them both?

Deep within Lotor there was a selfish wish to return her affections, but he didn’t know how. Happiness came to her easily, she had been raised with it. Alfor had probably showered his daughter with kindness and love. But Lotor’s upbringing had been very different.

In that instant Lotor wished he was a different man, someone who could stand with her open and honest. Her simple offering of trust had brought him here. It had given life to the feelings within him. He met her with only half-truths, when she deserved more. She was kind and good.

Though history might shame for his weakness, but he could no longer see her as only a part of his greater plan. He looked at Allura as if for the first time, and realized a truth of his own. She made him happy.

 _When had that happened?_ Lotor was suddenly filled with that expansive feeling in his chest again. He had enjoyed their chats, their stolen moments for the past few nights. There was peace in their happiness; smiling and making jokes with another person was something Lotor had never had.

He demeaned their relationship, and Allura, when he thought only in terms of physical lust, but that was all he knew in terms of affection. Even this he had only known after leaving the shadow of his father and the Galra. The Galra did not inspire tenderness, or warmth; they brought fear to their enemies and demanded loyalty from their allies. Neither was a good response to Allura’s gentle feelings.

She stepped closer to him; she was in her sleeping clothes again. He thought back to their goodbye last night. He imagined the princess doing the same. His fingers twitched as he remembered drawing the princess’ robe to her shoulder.

It was a different sleeping dress, he couldn’t quite tell the correct color in the soft blue white light. It was ruffled and had buttons, a sweet image of the princess, as compared to the ones he had imagined last night in the darkness. It was the same robe she had worn the night before, but it looked lavender not pink in the light. He tried not to stare at the robe too long in an attempt to avoid wandering thoughts. He pulled his right hand away and took out the drive from his pocket and offered it to Allura.

“I’ve been writing a report of our time on Oriande for the last few days Princess, and I was wondering if you wanted to see it.”

“Oh yes, I would.” She took a step away from him, but was stopped by something. She tilted her head to the side, and her eyes moved to something over her shoulder.

“No” she said with a firm voice. “No, absolutely not. It’s hardly an appropriate time, and he’s not here for that.”

He looked at the princess as she spoke to herself, and then behind her. There was nothing, he looked back at the princess and studied her. Lotor wondered for the first time if the word ‘odd’ was an inadequate description for her.

“Princess?”

He gently squeezed the hand he still had a hold on. She looked back at him, her eyes wide and darting back and forth from behind her to him.

“Uh it’s uh... the mice,” she said. She seemed surprised, yet worried. He looked over her shoulder to see the “mice.”

“The mice?” he asked her.

She closed her eyes and sighed, then looked at him. She was apprehensive, which he found strange. The princess had since recently been more open with her secrets. Her little lie about Keith, was her first real deception since they had begun their friendship. But as he studied her, her eyes betrayed worry not deceit.

“Yes, um, please don't think this strange but I can speak to mice.” The confusion that had been growing within him, stopped cold.

“Why would I think that Princess? Altean diplomats knew hundreds of languages.”

“No I mean I can speak to mice with my mind.”

There was pause, he was still a little confused. She sighed, she understood his bewilderment.

“Some mice, native to Altea, snuck into my pod and for the last 10,000 years we’ve been in stasis together sleeping. Because of that our minds melded together, they can hear my thoughts, and we can speak to each through our minds.”

He blinked twice as he tried to comprehend her words. She wasn’t having it and rolled her eyes, with his hand still in hers she began to drag him deeper into her room. They walked past the sheer curtains to the back room, which he found to be a small sitting area that had a small sofa, and cushioned bench and vanity mirror. They walked over to her vanity; Lotor heard movement and craned his head over Allura. The glass bottles were tinkling again, and the pitter patter grew quiet.

She stopped in front of the mirror and drew him close with a tug of her hand. Lotor moved with the princess, said nothing as she sidestepped him, turned him around, and with a simple command of ‘wait here’ she made her way towards the vanity. With his back to the mirror he couldn’t see what was happening behind him, but the look on Allura’s face said it was going to be exciting.

It was not what he had anticipated when he came over. There was nothing but anxiety and confusion when he denied his feelings, and he refused to deny Allura. If the bond he believed they had was only in his head he could live with that. The small touches, and gentle ease of their relationship was real enough for him. He could thrive on whatever Allura gave him. This could be enough. He could never claim her, but he could have this.

“They’re ready!”

Lotor turned around and saw on the princess’ vanity four little fluffs with large ears. The mice were varying shades of pastels, heights, and sizes. The littlest blue mouse was hiding behind the large yellow; Allura bent down close to run a comforting finger down his head. She looked back at Lotor and gave him a little smile, her teeth softly bit into her lower lip, as she tried to contain her glee. He smiled back. The other two a pink, and a skinny blue-green mouse chittering to one another. Allura cleared her throat with a commanding undertone, in an attempt to get their attention. The mice all came forward at Allura’s call, and stood straight in a line.

“Lotor this is Platt, Chulatt, Plachu, and Chuchule. Everyone this is Lotor, he is the Emperor of the Galra Empire and my friend please say hello.”

The mice all waved enthusiastically at him, the pink and blue mice jumping up and down as they did so. Lotor looked at Allura and saw pride and devotion on her face directed at the happy mice. A princess who protected the safety of the galaxy as well as befriended mice. He smiled, it seemed like Allura could awaken devotion in anyone and anything. Lotor gave a shallow bow to the mice in greeting.

“Nice to meet you all,” he said.

Allura switched her gaze back and forth between the two parties, as they exchanged greetings. Lotor noticed that her nervous tick came back, as she clasped her hands and tapped her index fingers together. The pink mouse squeaked loudly and the two royals looked at her. Allura listened in silence to her request, and Lotor watched bewildered as the princess communicated with the mouse.

“Yes, now you’ve both met and exchanged pleasantries, but give us a moment first and then I’ll ask him,” Allura said.

“What did she say?” he asked.

“Uh...nothing to worry yourself over!” she said. “Lotor wasn’t there something you wanted to show me? The report?” Allura’s smiled was huge.

He raised an eyebrow at her antics, she was clearly trying to change the subject. He could tell that Allura was wrestling with her own emotions. He was no longer an enemy, she had called him friend, but their feelings regarding each other changed last night. They were both aware of it, but with no real outlet for them. She had never been so nervous around him before. Her emotions were just as erratic as his, he realized, she just wore her heart too close to the surface.

Something between them was brewing, and Lotor wondered for a moment if he had been to hasty in forgoing his plan to distance himself from the princess. There was a strange energy between them, it was clumsy and inelegant, they couldn’t find a smooth rhythm to their dynamic. It gave him a small semblance of comfort that he wasn’t the only one feeling the change.

Lotor still held the drive containing his report in his hand. Allura made her way to the vanity and sat down on the cushioned seat. Lotor knelt on one knee in front of the princess. He plugged in his drive and projected the report for her to view.

The mice peeked out from behind Allura in an attempt to see Lotor. The former prince glanced around her as well to see the mice for himself. He quickly looked back at the princess, he kept his arm steady as she read, as she did he tilted his head to the side where the mice were. Lotor thought back to Allura’s words. That the mice could hear her thoughts, he wondered if the mice were telepathic on their own or if it was just with Allura. The idea was a scientific rarity, and Lotor was amazed that the princess hadn’t done some tests on her own. He focused his gaze on the little pink mouse who had spoken before. His gaze and brow intensified as he concentrated more. He tried to convey a simple hello with his mind. Lotor couldn’t tell if the little mouse understood him, but her actions confused him more. She just shook her head and pointed at Allura. He looked back at the princess, and found her looking at him with his own familiar expression, a raised eyebrow and a look of skepticism.

“Coran already tried to get the mice to make him a sandwich Lotor,” she said.

“That wasn’t my intent I was just saying hello!” he exclaimed. Lotor’s cheeks turned pink at being caught by the princess.

Her face changed and she laughed loudly, and with her whole face. Her laughter echoed throughout the room, and she held her sides as her giggles continued. Lotor was confused at first by her laughter, but as usual her emotions were contagious. He felt embarrassed for being foolish in front of the princess, but he was glad for it. This was the first real moment between them. He found himself chuckling along with her; he dropped his arm the report forgotten.

The princess was trying to calm her breathing, a chuckle would escape every other breath, and she had a wide, joyous, smile she was trying to hide. Allura raised a hand to her mouth to cover her lips, a poor attempt to stop her from laughing. Lotor raised a hand to hers and stopped her from trying, he took her hand from her mouth and held it in his, keeping it there.

“Please don’t,” he said. “I love your smile,” his voice had taken on a soft tone.

Her eyes held surprise in them, she was clearly taken back by his bold statement. It was odd of him to so loosely speak his mind, but the alternative was to be deprived of her smile.

Allura looked at him for a tick, her face frozen in surprise. Then it shifted to something he had never seen before, on _anyone_. She was luminous, her smile was wide and full of happiness. She looked soft and beautiful, her cheeks round and full. Her eyes shining with affection, and something else he couldn’t describe it, it was immeasurable. What did it matter if he couldn’t quantify her feelings if they were completely and solely directed at him, if there was nothing else, but him.

This was the smile, this was the one he had been waiting for, he knew it. Lotor only wanted her to smile like this for him.

He felt light, and open as he continued to stare at the princess. His heart began to beat faster in his chest, he could feel the thunderous pulses throughout his whole body. Lotor closed his hand a little tighter around hers. Unknown words, and feelings were floating around his head, he felt like he had to say something, let her know what he felt. There was nothing to describe it, Lotor wanted more, he wanted to feel this way with her for as long as he could.

The princess turned around suddenly breaking their connection. The startling change had shocked them both out of their thoughts. The mice had once more demanded her attention. Their abrupt intrusion irked both Allura and Lotor. Allura was looking at them with a furrowed brow and a clenched jaw, it was obvious to both Lotor and the mice that she was annoyed at their interference.

The mice looked back at their princess sheepishly, even the skinny, angry faced blue mouse looked apologetic. Allura sighed deeply and her head hung down as if she was more tired then she was. She looked back over to Lotor with a bashful look of her own. The longer they were silent the redder her cheeks got. Allura looked back and forth between the mice and him. The mice were clasping their tiny paws together and blinking rapidly at Allura.

“Alright, alright” she said, placating her small friend. “The mice would like to braid your hair.”

Lotor’s eyebrows shot up high and his eyes grew wide, puzzled, he didn’t know exactly how to respond to that statement. He could only look at the princess who had a small shy smile, and a soft ‘please’ coming from her lips.

“Um...Alright” he said slowly, as if agreeing would somehow help him through the situation.

Allura smiled, stood then reached down to his arm grabbing his bicep and helping him up from his kneeling position on the floor. The two royals switched places with Allura standing above him, as she pushed him down to the cushioned bench by her vanity where the mice jumped around with joy. He sat with his back to the mirror and mice, and looked up at Allura as she reached for a comb.

“May I?” she asked.

He was still at a loss how fast all this had happened, even why it was happening in the first place. But it was quickly forgotten when Allura tucked a piece of hair behind his ear. It was such a soft touch, and so casual, but the feeling traveled down his spine. The tenderness of her fingers through his hair was too much, so when she asked he responded with an immediate “of course” helpless to her plea.

She ran the comb down the middle of his head. The mice were squeaking and chirping behind him to Allura. She nodded, set the comb aside, and picked up the pink and blue mice. They raised their little paws to her; she let them hug her face and nuzzled them with her nose in return.

She brought her cupped hands to his left shoulder and the blue mouse, Chulatt he remembered, stepped down. She then deposited the pink, Chuchule, on his right.

“Yes, he _is_ very tall,” she said, with a wink to Lotor.

The mice’s little paws began to rifle through the hair on the sides of his head. It was a rather, curious, feeling. He straightened his back to keep his posture even for the mice. Allura chuckled quietly, he looked up at her as she did.

“Thank you for being such a good sport about this. They were rather insistent as soon as they found out it was you, and not Coran at the door.”

Allura stood in front of Lotor, running her fingers through sections of his hair to aide the mice. He opened his legs, and she came closer at his unspoken invitation.

He enjoyed the easiness of their back and forth. Nothing had to be thought out, nothing had to be planned. Each touch or moment was just something for Lotor to enjoy, to live in. He wanted a name to this feeling, he wanted to understand why the princess’ soft laughter made him breathe so easily, why his heart felt like it took up his whole chest. He smiled at her before he spoke.

“It’s alright Princess. Was that what they kept asking you about?”

“Yes they heard a great deal about you, so naturally when you came they…” she said. The princess drifted at the end of her sentence, and Lotor looked at her eyebrow raised.

Her face began to redden and she pulled away from him. Pure fear was locked onto her face. She stepped farther away from him towards the openness of her bedroom. Her words were a series of stuttering “I--I--Is” or “Th--th--th’s” it was bizarre to see the princess at such a loss for words. Lotor’s emotions and brain moved in sync in the next moment, and transitioned easily from worry to something much more sinister.

Mischief overcame Lotor like an old friend when he realized the reason behind the princess’ abrupt withdrawal. He played her last sentence over in his head, and smirked at the blushing princess.

“Allura, do you talk to the mice about me?”

“No!” she denied. Her arms waved around wildly gesticulating her story. “It’s just… well we didn’t know if you were trustworthy…I needed someone to listen...and...ugh get that wretched smirk off your face Lotor.”

Her face was red, with rage or embarrassment, he couldn’t tell but the color was traveling up to the tips of her ears. His smirked changed to a devious smile, and his eyes narrowed; like a cat with its cream he had found a tasty treat to feast on. She blew out a breath in anger and turned away from him, facing her bedroom. Even with her back to him he could tell she had crossed her arms.

“Allura…” he called out to her, his voice teasing.

“No” she said, she hid the pout he knew was on her face behind an authoritative tone.

“Allura…”

She huffed her response to his taunts. He reached out an arm towards her, his fingers making a grabbing motion.

“Allura, Princess, please I can’t move...the mice.”

She turned her head to look over her shoulder. Lotor put on his most humble smile. Allura rolled her eyes in response, seeing through his thin disguise. His outstretched hand dropped, and his face fell in defeat.

But then Chulatt squeaked in his ear in an attempt to get his attention. He raised his hand to his shoulder and the littlest mouse jumped into his open palm. The blue mouse then pointed behind him where the other two were starting their work on the lower half of his hair. Lotor placed the mouse on the vanity, who proceeded to join his friends.

Chuchule, the pink mouse, then began to chirp from his right shoulder. Allura had been watching her mice from over her shoulder, ignoring any contact with him. Lotor let the mouse jump onto his palm, she then started to speak to him in incomprehensible squeaks. He assumed it was something interesting when Allura’s attention was peaked.

The princess turned around in a huff at her small friend’s cries. Lotor’s smile grew and took on a familiar devilish quality, he looked at Allura’s pink face and ears and knew he had her.

“My little darling if I gave you something to write with could you tell me everything the Princess said about me?” he asked Chuchule with a wink.

The pink mouse straightened up in shock, and then turned a deeper shade of pink. She curled up in a little ball to hide and Lotor laughed. Allura gasped and marched over to Lotor. He leered as she came closer. The princess took the pink mouse from his hand and cradled it in hers.

“You’re unbelievable,” she hissed. His grin was obscene.

She held the mouse and Lotor watched as she stroked her pink head. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so carefree. He felt like laughing, like playing, he wanted more. He reached a hand out to Allura, and she took it. He pulled her closer, she came begrudgingly and took up her former place between his legs. Allura reached over him and placed Chuchule down on her vanity, and the little mice all began to chirp to one another behind him.

Lotor felt happy, felt free, he had no experience with any of these emotions. He should have been confused, he shouldn’t have been in her room in the first place, but Lotor was past caring. If he couldn’t define what he felt for Allura he would stop fighting it. He would give into the sensations, the affection, the casual touches. This ease with Allura could be his forever, everything he wanted could be his if he just reached for it.

The princess was still pouting at his teasing, he tugged at the hand in his and tilted his head to get her to meet his gaze. She took a step away from him forcing him to extend his arm out. She kept her eyes on the ceiling and refused to look at him.

“Allura, Allura please”

He couldn’t move if she let go. The mice were finishing their braid and were working away at the end of his hair.

“I promise not to tease you anymore Princess.”

She looked back at him with narrowed eyes, filled with disbelief.

“Or the mice.” It was the kindest he’d ever been in negotiations.

She rolled her eyes and smiled, her forgiveness granted. He pulled on her hand with his newly taught tenderness, to draw her back to him. She came back to him and placed her hands on his shoulders. He wanted to reciprocate, the nervousness came back for a moment, as he raised his hands. He watched her eyes as he slowly placed them on her waist, reading her stance and waiting for the moment when she threw off his touch.

But it never came.

The princess smiled down at him, and he felt his face and ears grow hot. Her waist was small, one of his hands could easily span the distance, but he kept both on her because she let him. He could touch her as much as he wanted and she wouldn’t mind. The idea was invigorating. He should have been afraid, he should have been worried at the very least. He knew that in this moment in the haven of Allura’s room, she could ask him anything and he would have given it to her. He would give her whatever she wanted to make her happy. But when he asked her for something it was simple because all that it took to make him happy, was her.

“Allura would you take your hair down for me?” he asked.

“Hmm?” she looked at him confused, but she complied without question.

She reached up and pulled the pins that held up the hair in its bun. The princess reached up to shake it out. Her fingers untangling any knots or snags in her hair. She threw the pins onto the vanity, and tossed her hair once more. Allura looked back down at Lotor expecting a reason for his request.

Lotor though was still busy mentally capturing and saving the beauty of that moment. He would chose that moment over sunsets, moons, shooting stars, and know that he had made the right decision. She placed her hands back on his shoulders, they then traveled down so she could clasp them together behind his neck.

Lotor wanted to live in this moment forever, unknown to him Allura was wishing the same thing.

But as with their previous moments that evening it was once more interrupted by the space mice. Their squeaks were met with the same controlled irritation from the two royals, they turned to look at the mice from their embrace. The mice were chittering in excited voices while holding up a hand mirror. Allura chuckled and Lotor turned back to her with a smile on his face.

“They want to know if you like it,” she said. Her head tilted in the direction of the mice. She reached out and took the mirror from them. She held it up in front of him so that he could see the reflection of his hair in the smaller mirror.

The mice had woven his hair into three braids, two from the sides and one down the middle, then threaded them together at the middle turning in into one braid. It was expertly done. He turned around in the chair to the little mice to face them.

“Thank you friends you’ve done fine work. It looks lovely,” he said. Very few had ever been allowed to touch his hair. He was surprised how well the mice did.

He could see the princess smiling in the mirror behind him, pleased at his answer. The princess put the hand mirror back down and turned to the mice.

“You’ve done a beautiful job. Thank you.” The mice all chirped at her praise.

“Lotor and I are going to speak a bit longer, why don’t you lot go to bed. It’s getting late,” she said. Then she opened her hands for the four of them to dropped down into.

“Good night little ones,” he said.

The waived their goodbyes and he returned the gesture. She carried them over out of the room, and towards the bedroom. Lotor assumed she placed them on the bed. He looked in the mirror, and turned his head from side to side looking at the braids the mice had done on the sides of his head.

“It looks good,” the princess said, coming back into the room.

“It does, to be honest I had some reservations regarding their ability, but I’m glad to have been proved wrong.”

Lotor looked around on the vanity, his eye looking for something in particular. He opened one of the glass jars and found cotton balls. Not what he was looking for. He tried another one, a small oval container, but was wrong again when it turned out to be a creamy white gel. Allura came up behind him and put her hands back on his shoulders. She leaned down to see him fiddling with her things.

“What are you looking for?” she asked.

“You wore a lovely perfume last night. I want to know what it was.”

She reached for a large round orb of glass next to the mirror, and handed it to him. Lotor took the cap off the nozzle and held it to his nose. His nose scrunched its disapproval, all he could smell was the chemicals not the underlying notes of flowers that had clung to his bedsheets last night. He turned around in the chair and faced the princess. He took the hand that was closest to him, and held it up to her.

“May I Princess?”

She held out her hand and nodded at him. She turned her hand so her wrist was facing up towards him. They were slender, but he could feel strength beneath the soft skin. He knew the princess was strong, it showed in her actions and in her character. But now as he looked at her face reddening again he could only be humbled that this fierce woman would be so tender in front of him.

He sprayed the perfume on her wrist, and rubbed it into her skin. He lifted her wrist closer to his nose and smelled the musky, floral scent that had driven him mad the night before. Lotor felt his heart begin to race at the memory. He remembered the temptress who wore the same face as the princess in front of him, and how she had begged him to fuck her. He looked up at Allura under his touch he felt her own pulse skyrocket as well.

“What is this scent Princess?” he asked.

It was a unique scent, distinctly floral, but now that he had the full effect. There was a heady musky scent underneath. It reminded him of soft warmth like tea, or a candle. Something satisfying and deep, as if a jasmine had been mixed with sunlight.

“It’s juniberry. It’s from the flowers I told you about, the ones from Altea,” she said. Allura drew away from him and walked over to the little sofa across from them. She turned and looked past him to the little glass bottle behind him.

“Your favorite, yes I remember,” he began to drift at the end as he noted a change in her demeanor.

She had been playful, and happy only a moment ago; now the princess now seemed sullen, and her shoulders slumped down. Her face was darkened by a shadow from her memories. The princess gracefully sat down on the sofa only to hunch over and bury her face in her hands.

“Allura?” he said.

“I’m sorry I don’t mean to be melancholy, it’s just… that is my last bottle from Father. He used to get me a bottle for my birthday every year.”

“Your father?”

She nodded at his question. She laid back to rest against the sofa, breathing a deep sigh when her back hit cushion. She looked at him then patted the space next to her on the couch. He moved to sit next to Allura.

“The castle was in stasis along with Coran and I. It was strange to wake up, and have everything be untouched, but so empty.”

They both turned their gaze to the vanity with a nod of her head. “I found it there when I woke up, a final gift. I suppose,” she said.

She turned her head to look at him, there were no tears in the princess’ eyes, but there was a profound sadness within them. Allura leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. He focused on their image in the mirror. He didn’t know what to do, how to help her, he just leaned closer to rest his cheek on the top of her head.

“I understand why you revere your mother so much Lotor.” His eyes met her mirror image.

“When I was young I wanted to be exactly like my mother,” she spoke to him, but her gaze was on the perfume.

“I take after her a great deal, so as soon as I could I followed her everywhere, and did everything she did. So when I grew it seemed natural to wear her same perfume. Once we lost her, it became a way to keep her with us. Now it’s one of the few things I have left of either of them.”

The princess was looking at the glass bottle on the table with a heartbreaking smile. He loved all her smiles, this one was as beautiful as all the others but there was a tragic beauty about it he couldn’t bear. He summoned his courage and raised an arm to wrap around the shoulders of the sorrowful princess.

“Allura... I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bring up such painful memories,” he said into her hair, a poor attempt at an apology.

“No...don’t be,” she said, moving slightly to look up at him. “I loved my parents. I loved Altea. I’m glad to share what memories I have of them with someone who will appreciate them.”

“Allura,” he began, but stopped short not knowing what to say.

Lotor had no skill at comfort, he knew there was nothing he could do to end her pain. He could only do what he thought was right. He drew her closer into his embrace and pressed his lips, a soft token of what little gentleness he knew, to her forehead. Her eyes shined in the dim lighting when they pulled back. They remained facing each other; her eyes focused on his for a tick, then slowly moved down to his chest plate.

“If you would like...there is a room here that...well I don’t go into it anymore, but if you would come with me?”

“Of course, but what is so particular about it?” he said.

“It’s...it’s a projecting room, where the Castle of Lions can project whatever image I choose, but that room in particular...it’s where I would speak with my father.”

“Your father? King Alfor, is on the ship?” he asked, surprise and shock lacing his voice.

“Yes, or well his AI memory bank was,” she said, with a heavy sigh.

“When we were still stationed on Arus Sendak infiltrated the castle and tried to steal the lions. He replaced our Balmera crystal with a Galra one, it corrupted our systems, including my father’s AI. I was forced to destroy it, and say goodbye to my father a second time.”

She looked away as the tears that had threatened to fall finally did. She kept her eyes closed to hide her shame. Lotor was fire incarnate, he felt rage burn underneath his skin. He wanted Sendak dead, he wanted to offer his head to Allura to make up for every tear she had shed. He was possessed by fury. He would watch his enemies burn, see them scream for mercy, and Allura would be there to see it. She would stand beside him as he gave her justice.

But her eyes were filled with tears, not vengeance. The anger that boiled under the surface needed to come second to Allura. His anger at her pain did not wash away her sadness. He was not good with sentiment, he had no experience with healing grief, but for her he would try.

“Allura,” he said. She refused instead hiding her face as more tears fell down her cheeks. He tucked his index finger under her chin and turned her face back to his. “Allura look at me.”

She opened her eyes and the tears slid down her face, he took a moment to look at her. This pain was unlike the one he’d witnessed in Haggar’s lair. That was a shallow comparison to the grieving princess in front of him. He ran his thumb under her eyes and wiped them away.

Then he got up and sunk down onto his knees in supplication before the Altean princess. He took hold of her hand, his touch was gentle, but his eyes were fierce.

“I swear this to you with everything that I am, Sendak will pay for what he has done.”

This was a vow, an oath to bond them together, he would deliver justice to her if it took his whole life. She stared at him, her eyes darted back and forth. They seemed to be searching for a reason not to believe him, but she found nothing other than the truth. She grasped his hand, so much larger than her own, in both of hers. Allura held it to her chest, then moved to sit up straight and proud, even as the tears continued to fall. She looked up at him with her own fire.

“No, Lotor not just my enemies, _ours_.”

The word ‘ours’ sent a surge throughout his whole body. He felt more than alive, it was as though his whole body was thrumming with electricity. Her eyes overflowed, but it was in that moment he saw the true incendiary depths of Allura. This was a woman who could command Voltron, nations, whole star systems.

Lotor felt as though as though the entirety of the universe was watching this moment. This moment was more solemn, more powerful than the Kral Zera that had anointed him emperor.

This was the beginning, the start of their reign. The dream, the vision, he had had last night was becoming a reality in this moment. When history spoke of them it would say that this was the night their union was born.

“Sendak and all our enemies will face us together with Voltron. We will be the ones to bring peace to the universe.”

She was intoxicating, but it was more than just her being, it was her whole existence. Lotor saw in her eyes their future, the reach they would have across the cosmos. The worlds they would change, the greatness they would inspire. Ten thousand years apart and somehow he had found her. Lotor didn’t believe in fate, there was no logic behind it, but he knew he was meant for this woman. He needed to have her, he needed her beside him.

As he watched a single tear fall down her face, he was reminded of her tragic smile. This awe inspiring princess, had shown him the tender aches within her soul. She was deeper than this, but she was also just Allura, and he still needed to make a promise to her.

“I would rip my own heart out before I let him hurt you again.”

He wiped away the last of her tears, and any trace of them on her cheeks. Her face was questioning, but soft. She offered him his destiny, her affections, how could he not repay her with this promise.

“Why?” she asked. “Why would you go to such lengths just for me?”

Did she not know? Did she not feel it too? How could she not?

Lotor didn’t know if he had moved first or if it had been Allura, and once their lips met it didn’t matter. He moved his hands to cradle the princess’ face, while his lips coaxed her into giving him more of her sweetness.

The rage he had felt before for Sendak had burned through him. It left him with a residual scorching heat running through his veins. He thought he’d never know fire like that again, and it wasn’t the same feeling, but this left him inflamed just the same. The only difference was he never wanted to stop feeling this, he wanted this heat to consume him until there was nothing left.

Her lips were soft and inviting, they easily gave way to his demanding nips and gentle bites. He savored her as if her mouth were a sinful treat. Her hands moved to his shoulder, and around his neck pulling him closer to her. His hands adjusted themselves for a better hold on her, his left softly caressing her cheek, while his right found better placement around her waist. The princess shivered in his arms, and let out a needy sigh.

His mouth broke from hers. His heart hammered in his chest, and he wondered if she could hear it echoing in his armor from being so close to him. He was hot and restless as he stared down at her. She smelled of juniberries and warmth, it made him delirious. He leaned in closer to her, their foreheads resting against one another’s. His left hand had remained on her cheek; he stroked her face with his thumb savoring the fading thrill of their kiss. Her mouth was parted and the two of them panted for air. Lotor’s eyes rose from her lips to her eyes the haze of lust dissipating, and reason returned to him.

He threw himself away from the princess and landed on his backside. He was a mess of stuttering apologies as he moved to stand up. He ran a clawed hand through his hair; his own nervous tick making a sudden appearance.

“Princess, please forgive me I don’t know-- what---what came over me.”

She stood up from the little couch shaking her head. Her fingers were covering her mouth. Her head moved in a firm back and forth ‘no’ motion. Her face was red and just as lost as he was.

“It -- it was my fault I was overcome with emotions I'm sorry-- I should-- I should,” she trailed off.

“I should go princess good night,” he interjected.

He would never interrupt the princess in a normal situation, but Lotor was desperate to regain some control over the situation. He had little control over his own mind let alone the situation, so Lotor with all his tactical experience ‘retreated’. His heart was still beating wildly out of control, and his hands were clenched by his sides. They were desperate to regain their hold on Allura. He made his way towards the door without so much as a backwards glance at the kiss swollen lips of the Altean princess.

“Yes, yes of course good night,” she called out.

He was out of her back room and making his way through her bedroom when she called out to him.

“Lotor!”

He turned at his name and quickly caught the lithe princess who had run right into his arms. He had no time to react to their second kiss, she had wrapped her arms around his neck and smashed their faces together in a mash of lips and teeth. It was awkward for a tick. Lotor’s eyes were open in surprise, but were quickly shut and he curled his fingers into her robe. He would have the strange, surprising, aggressive kiss over all others before it.

The suddenness, and shock of their second kiss wore off, and the two of them rekindled the momentum from their first kiss. He coaxed her lips apart this time, she let his mouth take hers, letting him slowly search out her tongue. Allura’s lips were still as sweet as they were the first time, and now with a second tasting she fueled a hunger in him that threatened to rage out of control.

The princess had been standing on the tips of her toes since he had caught her in his arms. He let her down slowly, her knees slackened, and she relaxed into him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her closer, yet she never felt close enough. Lotor pressed her against him, let her feel how strong, how much heavier, how much taller he was than her. His right arm placed on her lower back to support her, and he spread his feet to steady her between the longer length of his powerful thighs.

The princess let him feel her own power when she curled one of her hands into his hair. Her fingers sinking in and tugging his head back, exposing the long line of his throat to her teeth. Allura nipped at the skin under his jaw. He let out a groan when she found a sensitive patch of skin near his pulse.

This blitz attack of a kiss was not something he could have foreseen or prepared himself for. The madness he had fought for the last few days was consuming them both. He angled his head back down and captured her lips in another kiss. But this third one was different, it was dark and intense, it was a blind raving beast of desire.

He poured every ounce of frustration into her mouth. Lotor slipped a thigh between her legs, and pulled her writhing body closer. He wanted to feel the heat that came from her quivering core as close as their clothed bodies would allow.

“Lotor...wait,” she said, jerking her mouth away from his.

He moved to lay hungry kisses on her neck. Now it was his turn to explore her, and find his own tender spot. She moved her hands down to his chest, and began to push back.

“Lotor...the coalition...we musn’t…” her last word was bitten off into a soft moan.

He had found his prize tucked away behind her ear, where her jaw faded into the rest of her face; a small nip with the barest pressure from his fangs and Allura was his. The moan the princess had let out raised his blood and made his cock throb. He bit and sucked at the point on her neck, hoping to leave a mark. She wilted in his arms as he continued his sensuous attack.

He had suffered multiple interruptions from the space mice the entire night, but this last one was the true test of his patience. The mice were lying on one of Allura’s pillows, they had woken at some point and were now watching the two. The four of them were peeping, embarrassed, behind their little paws. Their eyes would peek out in-between their fingers. The brief squeaks were what had alerted him and Allura.

He broke away from the princess’ neck and growled at the mice for their interference. They were chirping at Allura for her attention once more. The princess took this chance to break their embrace, and pried herself away from him. Lotor stood their bereft while the princess sorted through the mice’s words.

“I’m sorry we woke you. Go back to sleep.”

She walked over to the mice on their pillow, and drew the blanket to keep them warm. She ran a soft finger over the large yellow mouse’s head. Allura turned back to him with a solemn face, it was difficult for him to take it seriously when she had his bite mark forming on her neck and a pink flush on her cheeks.

“Lotor we...we need to think for a moment. The coalition, the Galra, the paladins, they would...they wouldn’t.”

She wrung her hands together, her fingers intertwining and unlocking as she fiddled nervously through her words.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, but this...this is a distraction we can’t afford it right now.”

She looked away from him and bent her head to the side to watch the mice sleep. Even with her back to him he could tell that her hands had separated and crossed over her body, a defensive posture.

“As rulers we...we need to think of the needs of others before our own.”

Not a clear rejection, it seemed to him that this list was more for her benefit then his. He had tried to convince himself of the same things, but he was done denying himself. His own emotions were out of control, but he wanted her, and now that he had tasted her he needed her again. He could wait, let her sort through her own feelings and come to him in her own time. He needed time to deal with what he wanted as well. Lotor took a deep breath, an attempt to calm his rapid heartbeat.

“You’re right Allura, of course...we need to have clear heads.”

She turned around to face him again; her eyes were wide and she brought a hand to her mouth. He had been studying her more minute habits for the last few days, so when he saw the tips of her fingers touch her mouth he knew it was not in contemplation. She ran her fingers across her swollen lower lip, his eyes followed, he wanted to kiss her again. He wondered if she was thinking the same.

“I’m sorry about before...it was my emotions that got the best of me this time,” he said.

He ran his hand through his hair once more as he spoke, then let out a sigh. This was not what he had anticipated at all. His eyes looked over the princess; her lips were bitten and red, and her eyes would slide to the side, she refused to meet his. She must have felt his eyes roaming over her, as she rearranged her sleeping robe to cover herself more.

“I should go, good night princess.” He made it to the door this time before the princess called out to him again.

“Good night...oh wait,” she said.

He turned back slowly and looked at her, waiting for her next words.

“The report,” she reached out her open palm for the drive and the report that had brought him there in the first place.

“Oh yes, of course here.” He placed the drive in her waiting hand. As he drew his hand away he felt her nails drag slowly across his palm. The touch was brief, and barely there, but it raised the skin up his arm and stoked the heat within. The two of them had been unconsciously creating distractions to draw themselves out of their desires, but no more. He looked up at her and as she slowly raised her eyes to meet his, he knew she felt it too. Her words said one thing, her actions another, but he had learned since their first encounter. Allura’s actions were truer then what she would allow herself to say. They weren’t done yet, but if she wanted more she would have to tell him.

Her hand was still outstretched below his, now closed in a fist enclosed around the drive. He took her wrist in his hand and used it to pull the princess to him, their bodies colliding with each other. His other came around and pinned to him once more. Lotor loomed over her, his added height forcing Allura to lean on his arm for support and press their lower halves together in a tight embrace.

“Tell me to stop, tell me you don’t want this,” he said.

Lotor drew his face close to hers. He kept his gaze on her eyes, waiting for her to push him away once more. But her gaze was lower focusing on his lips. She brought her arm up to wrap around his neck, and draw him in again.

Their previous words had been lies they told themselves. That the paladins wouldn’t approve, that their emotions were high, it was empty and hollow words. They had been hurtling towards this since the first night Allura had visited him.

“No,” she said.

“Damn you,” Lotor cursed, and kissed her again.

This third kiss was raw and dark, it stirred something inside of Lotor. He was a thrall to her desire. There were no more distractions, no more complicated feelings. They wanted each other. He would have Allura tonight, and he would give himself fully to the princess in return.

He took her in his arms and turned the two of them around. He placed his free hand behind her head to cushion it, before he pushed her against the door. They parted at the impact and looked at each other, they knew what was coming, what had always been coming.

Allura reached up her hands and threaded them into his hair. Her mouth parting to allow him into her depths. She possessed him with her kiss, and he welcomed it. Lotor pressed closer to the princess, filling his senses with her. He felt her everywhere, his skin grew warm wherever their bodies met. He breathed in only the scent of juniberries. His hands came to rest on her shoulders, and the two royals parted.

Lotor looked at Allura looking for some sign of rejection from her. She was panting and trying to catch her breath waiting for his next move. He reached for the thin robe and pulled it down quickly; Allura gasped in surprise but moved to help him remove it from her. Her back arched and her whole body followed the wave like movement. He growled, a deep and guttural sound from his throat, as her hips met his in a slow slide.

She slipped her arms out and Lotor threw the robe away from them. He reached for the princess again, and tucked his head into the hollow of her neck and shoulder. His arms wrapped themselves around her small waist once more, and he folded her frame into his embrace luxuriating in the feel of her being in his arms. He took a deep breath of juniberries, the smell would forever remind him of her, and sunk his teeth into her delicate neck.

He nipped at her soft skin, leaving delicate bites down her neck. Allura sighed and brought her hands back up to his shoulders. Lotor moved down her neck finally finding his prize, the untasted expanse of skin on her shoulders. He slid his hand to the thick ruffled strap on her shoulder and moved it slowly down the slope of her arm. His mouth moved to her uncovered skin and he gently sank his fangs in. He dropped delicate kisses, and bites on every inch of skin his mouth could reach. Allura arched her neck back, and let out a whimper. His mouth parted so his tongue could run over the secret moles and beauty marks he found on her.

Lotor would have continued his barrage on her neck if he hadn’t been distracted. Not by mice, but by Allura’s wandering hands. It had been a complete accident, but it was a weakness he did not want known so soon. The princess’ hands which had been on his neck traveled up towards his head, he assumed she wanted to run her fingers through his hair again. He would have been more than happy to oblige, but then she touched the tip of his ear.

A chuckle escaped from his mouth, and parted their kiss once more. Allura pulled back in surprise and looked up at him, a question forming in her mind. She ran a finger down his ear, and it twitched at her ministrations.

“Allura,” he said, but it was really more of a whine.

“Are you -- ticklish?” he turned his head, and ear away from her reach.

“You are!” He kissed her again to distract her, but this time he felt her lips form a smile under his. A giggled tried to escape from her, but he trapped her lower lip between his and stopped it. They shared a kiss with a smile, it was such a strange concept, but his own lips responded. Somehow Lotor could taste her joy, and the warmth in her lips. The feelings in him were changing again, the expansive, open feeling returned and made his chest want to grow. The heat of lust and desire was fading, and was being replaced by the softness they were sharing.

Lotor brought his hands to cup Allura’s face, and she wrapped her own around his torso. Her arms locked them together in a tight embrace, but he had never felt bigger. He felt like his body was filled with light, there was a weightlessness to his heart. He looked down at the princess. She was smiling again, but now it was the one that made her shine, the one meant for him. His thumbs stroked the apples of her cheeks, then he leaned down to kiss the princess again.

One more kiss, one more to hold on to and solidify this image to memory. Lotor would look back on this night and remember that this was a time, a moment when he was truly happy. He leaned down and met her soft lips with his. This kiss was more chaste then their last ones, he wanted to convey the joy she gave him. He hoped he made her happy too. He wondered if he’d be able to taste it from her lips.

He pulled away and looked down at Allura. Her cheeks were round and warm, her eyes were bright. He was met with a look he had never seen before.

 

 

_Oh no_

 

 

It made everything stop; he had no thoughts, no breath, he didn't even dare to blink. Two factions within him readied themselves for war, to fight for control over his heart. The warmth was fading and a cold hollowness was replacing it. It was fueled by fear and suspicion. Fear was not an emotion he liked or allowed himself to experience frequently, but he knew it well. No Galra in the last ten thousand years had lived without knowing fear. Zarkon cultivated it, even amongst his own people. His son had been an easy target for the emperor.

But this was different, this terror came from inside him, it came from an unknown void.

Her eyes were soft and searching, they were looking for something in him. Something deep within him, but she would not find it. He had never known it, he couldn’t offer it, and he could not take hers with nothing in return.

Something within bubbled up and rose to the surface breathless, gasping for air, for life. Something that froze him where he stood. It was a wretched creature made of anger and doubt. He looked down at the princess, her features were changing into confusion and concern. She had seen the weakness within him and felt what? Compassion? Sympathy? What had been that look?

He stared at her and saw the truth, hidden in the depths of her eyes he saw _something_ , he saw _it_.

The foul, convoluted thing that had made a mockery of his parents. It destroyed people, it would destroy him. He was already helpless to her whims, he would not survive this. History would repeat itself. The idea made him cold and angry at the same time, he couldn’t bear her gaze anymore.

He pressed his lips to hers again, but with some force this time. Allura’s surprised whimper was muffled by his mouth. He pressed deeper and harder hoping to chase the remnants of the moments before, the heat, the lust he wanted it back. Not this, _this_ , unknown weightless _nothingness._ He couldn’t bear it, her eyes looking at him with such tenderness, it mortified him.

Lotor was not meant for those things, he knew that, no Galra was. Even if he was half-breed, he had his pride. He was not his father, he would never be, none saw him as true Galra, but he could not be Altean either. As much as he wished he could be his mother’s son, his blood ran dark like his father’s.

His lips pressed deeper, and when he couldn’t find the heat and spark. As the princess began to press back against him in protest, he lunged and made his desperate final counter attack. His mouth open slightly and his fang sunk down hard, and deep into the princess’ lush bottom lip. His tongue rushed out for the metallic taste of her blood in some hope to find that long lost lust. She cried out in pain and used her hidden strength to push him away from her.

He stumbled back, anger in his eyes, and looked at Allura as she held her hand to her mouth. Her gaze held confusion, and shock, and to his disgusted delight the beginnings of her own rage. He wanted that fire, to feel only pain and blood. He wanted to wage war against her and forget the softness of before. Lotor was ready, and waiting for her to swing at him, use her strength to strike him down. _Combat is the searing light that burns away all imperfections_. His confusion, his indecision, all of it would go away, and he would be free of that look.

But when she pulled her hand away, and he saw the blood swell from her lip. His world went silent. He was paralyzed by his own disgust, his eyes were wide with horror. The air stopped flowing to his lungs.

_What had he done?_

Regret was instantaneous, Lotor felt it with every fiber of his soul. He had done a great many things in the name of Galra, and Altea, but this small drop of blood threatened to drive him past all reason. He had been so sure of himself, so confident that his anger was justified. He had felt like his whole world, his dreams and ambitions, had been slipping away from him. The shattered look from Allura proved him wrong. The look from the princess that had sparked his anger, that nameless, shapeless feeling was gone. Lotor knew that there would be no trace of it in her eyes ever again.

He could hear his own words echoing in his head. The taunt he’d thrown at Throk during their fight.

_In the end your own aggression will be your undoing._

Lotor took a step towards her his hand reaching out to her. She stopped him with a look.

“Get out”

Her voice was cold, there was no trace of its past sweetness as if it never existed, he expected nothing less than this. His hand dropped and he could only stare at the ground. All the sensation in his limbs disappeared, his body was going numb. The only feeling left was in his chest. There was a twisting pain in his heart, he could barely breathe.

“Allura, I’m sorry” he said. His voice was soft and clear. He kept his mess of emotions out of his voice. He wanted her to hear his sincerity.

“Get out,” she said once more.

He knew she would not tell him again. Lotor made his way to the door in silence. His hand rested against the panel. He wanted to turn around and look at the princess once more, to look at her in her room. This quiet haven that been theirs. He didn’t, he couldn’t, he kept his gaze on the door and pressed the panel to open it. When the doors slid open and he was met with the emptiness of the hallway, his insides turned cold. He felt his throat swell, but he kept his eyes forward and marched into the darkness.

The walk back was silent, Lotor wasn't entirely sure how he had made it back to his own room, but when he looked up the familiar desk and bed were there. He looked around slowly taking in everything.

What had it all been for? He couldn’t wrap his head around what he had just lost. He just felt adrift. To honor her memory he had sacrificed so much, done everything to rise on his own according to the standards his mother would have held. But had it really all been worth this festering loneliness.

Lotor was hollow. He had had everything, it had literally been right in his hands, the one thing, that could make him happy. No one had ever cared, been so tender, given him so much. Allura had offered everything to him and he threw it away.

Who was it for? For the Galra? A people that had never loved him, hated and rejected him. For Altea? A world and people long dead, a mother he would never know. Was it to become a person he could never truly be, his mother’s son, a son of the Black Paladin, none of those had even been a reality. But standing next to Allura, holding her in his arms, seeing her smile.

That had been real.

He looked around at the empty room, and took in his new reality. The lonely path that he had walked before, was even colder now.

Once again Lotor was blinded by his rage but this time he fell victim to his impulses willingly. He picked up his sword that had been propped up against the desk, with a roll of his neck and shoulders he let his anger consume him and unsheathed it.

 

* * *

 

 

The day had been quiet. No princess and no paladins. It was the demands of food that required him to leave his room that day. Even if his chest felt full and heavy his belly was not. Lunch with the paladins was an odd affair, stranger than usual, at least. They seemed to sense something was wrong with the princess. She was silent and distant. Lotor was too, but that was not so odd and none of them had any clue what was going on regarding him and the princess.

The smallest one, the green paladin Pidge, made the brave attempt at conversation.

“Allura what happened to your lip?”

Everyone including Lotor stopped and looked at the princess then. His gaze focused on her lip, his gut curled and he fought through a wave of nausea. Her lip was slightly swollen in the right corner, the cut was thin and clean. The blood had clotted and sealed over her wound. He could tell by the slow movements that her delicate eating was not a display of her royal grace, but to ensure it didn’t open again. She turned to the green paladin with a small smile.

“Nothing really, I must of bit it in my sleep.”

Lotor put down his fork, and didn’t pick it up again.

 

* * *

 

 

Lotor knew exactly who was at his door before she even knocked. It wasn’t the way she had walked, or how she stood outside his door. He just knew it was Allura, he had anticipated this confrontation all day.

Their nightly chats had been unexpected, but were always welcomed. They had developed their own dynamic quickly; their shared feelings came just as quick. He had thought they were simple to control and sort through, but nothing with Allura would ever be simple again.

They had crossed the line, whatever had held them back from acting on their feelings previously, broke last night.

He had kissed her. But he had also hurt her. The lust and desire he had felt last night were passing nuisances, it was the other feelings the softness and the warmth that needed to be guarded. He had thrown himself head first into her soft embraces. He played and laughed, let mice braid his hair, and it had all been for the sake of basking in her presence. Enjoying the moments of peace she brought. Those feelings were the real danger to him. They were the ones that made him lose himself.

The shuffling behind his door continued; he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Come in Allura,” he said. His tone as authoritative as he could manage in his desperate state of mind.

The movement behind his door stopped, and the princess opened the door on her own. She strode in shoulders back her posture perfect. Allura had armored herself with righteousness and every ounce of royal pride she could muster. A true princess.

“Lotor”

She gave him an angry look, and stopped in the middle of his room her fists on her hips. He rose from his bed and moved into a sitting position. He looked up at the princess’ face, and shame pierced his heart all over again.

Allura’s lip was cut in the right hand corner. The puncture from his fang had split her lip. It was dark and red at the wound site, and slightly swollen in comparison to the rest of her mouth.

As it had been every time they met, it was one thing to say he would stay away from Allura it was another to be in her presence entirely. As Lotor looked at her now all he wanted to do was soothe her pain and ease her suffering. But he had been the cause of it, he had been to the one to make her bleed.

He had never been so disgusted with himself.

“Princess”

She was angry and rightly so, but when her eyes met his she faltered. It was strange, Allura had never lost herself in front of him before, but that kiss had definitely changed everything. The princess couldn’t hold their gaze and instead looked around at the destruction of his room. The chair and desk had been smashed, their pieces on the floor. His sword had seen to their end. The door to the bathroom ripped off its hinges and thrown in two pieces across his room. His claws had gouged every surface he could get his hands on. While the bed remained relatively untouched there was a huge rip down the center of the mattress and the sheets were in tatters.

“What happened?” She asked.

“My anger got the better of me...again.”

His eyes focused on her lip, and the injury he had caused her. He wanted to throw himself at her feet and beg her forgiveness. His pride already wearing down in her injured presence. He’d become weak around her, for her, he couldn’t bend anymore then he already had. This had to be the end to them. She met his watchful eye, and her face drew into a frown. His own head hung down in shame, a shield against the feelings she created in him.

“I don’t like lying to them,” she said.

“I’m sorry”

It was a truthful apology, but it came out with a hollow tone. He meant it, but he didn’t think that there were enough words in all his known languages to convey the depths of his regret.

“What you did was inexcusable.”

His heart quaked in his chest, the rhythm went off beat at her words. They had hurt him, deeper than he thought they would. No one had been able to touch him with their words like that since he had been a boy.

“I know,” he said.

His throat was closing, it was tight and dry. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists in the ruined blankets of his bed; he hid his face in the shadow of his hair unable to meet her eyes. His heart felt as though it were a concaving inside his chest, like a dying star. He wondered if it would turn into a black hole and swallow everything. He would let it.

“That’s not an answer,” she said.

“You didn’t ask a question,” he said biting back at her.

“I didn’t think I needed to.”

“What did you think?” he said rising to stand.

His voice had grown loud, and his tone angry. He took a step forward, his height allowing him to tower over her. He wanted to feel powerful, he didn’t want to feel so lost. But when she took a step back away from him, wary, his anger faded. Once again his emotions had overtaken him, in general they had been sporadic and out of control. He needed to find some sense of calm again, but it looked like it was lost along with whatever shred of happiness he had found with Allura.

“I’m sorry,” he said defeated. He grew solemn and silent, regretful for losing himself again.

“So you’ve said,” she said, not pleased.

He felt defeated in the wake of her rage. He hadn’t even been able to work up the will to fight, he just wanted to bite back like a mad beast. No reason, just angry and scared.

“What do you want from me Allura?”

“An apology would be a start,” she said.

“You said there was no excuse,” he said giving her a pointed look. “Any reason I give you would be inconsequential.”

His eyes changed, and focused on the wound he caused. His brow furrowed and his lips drew down in a broken frown. “But know, that the sorrow, the guilt, and regret I feel are real Princess.”

“I am sorry Allura,” he finished, his eyes moved from her lips to her eyes.

“It looks worse, than it really is,” she said, as if it would comfort him. He huffed a bitter laugh.

“If only that were the truth for all the problems the Galra had created Princess,” he said.

Her eyes narrowed at his acerbic words, she seemed to dislike this side of him. It made him laugh again, that was something they shared.

She let out a sigh, her shoulders fell and for a moment he wanted to steady her offer her some of his strength. There was a fragility to her that he knew was only showed on rare occasion. He had seen it, she had showed him all of her, but he could not return the gesture. His soul was a pit, it was not meant for people like her. The princess sighed again, then regained her regal stance, and looked him in the eye.

“Explain yourself,” she said her voice imposing and strong.

“I can’t,” he said, brusquely. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try anyway,” she said not taking his rejection. But Allura was tenderhearted, and she softened. “Whatever you have to say Lotor -- I’ll listen.”

He looked at her, resigned to his fate, he let out a breath. He never deserved her, he would have been happy just to see her everyday. But his own honor demanded that he end this now, before they lost themselves completely and forgot their goals. For her sake and his, he would let the division he created last night grow.

“Who I am, what I’ve had to do to get this far. I won’t give it up. I can’t--I’ve done what I’ve needed to survive. I’ve done it for the Galra, for Altea....for my mother.”

He needed her to understand. This was his mother’s life, it was his greatest dream. There was too much at stake to leave to chaos, to their tangled emotions. The fate of the universe, his life’s work hung in the balance. Lotor had fought his father, the Galra, his own upbringing, every tormented aspect of his existence to get to this point.

To be here on the brink of entering the zone between realities, unlimited quintessence. He would no longer be the dark shame of Zarkon’s past; he and his mother would be honored and glorified by the empire, leaving his father as only a footnote in history.

After the shameful and childish destruction of his room last night he realized the severity of that moment, he rationalized that what he and Allura truly wanted were different. She saw him as a soft moldable princeling for her to shape into the next King Alfor. Lotor was not his father, but he was no Alfor either.

He had great respect for the Altean king. He had been a skilled alchemist, a fair king, but his lack of foresight failed him, his own father, and Altea. Alfor couldn’t see the dangers his father posed, that the friendships of the paladins could not hold back the lust for conquest the Galra had. Alfor for all his knowledge and power could not save his own people, and doomed his daughter to pick up the pieces.

He would not be benevolent, yet broken like Alfor he needed to be more. He may not be the son his mother imagined or hoped for, but he would not give up their shared dream. Lotor would not see his mother’s memory replaced by Alfor’s.

He needed to be more. Allura was right before this-- this-- whatever this was would be a distraction. He had been too hasty in closing himself off from the princess. Lotor needed focus, he needed to remember his own goals.

“I cannot leave her work unfinished,” he said.

She seemed genuinely bewildered by his words. He needed her to understand that what they could become was not real, but his goals his dreams could be.

“But why did you do it?” she asked.

That was the real question, wasn’t it?

He could never admit the truth of the fear that had gripped him. That the tender touches, and the easy kisses that they shared had driven him to doubt, and despair. He desperately wanted them back, but he couldn’t trust them. To him they were a sweet poison that would corrupt him.

“I shouldn't-- I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, but I saw -- I mean I realized that what we want are different things. I reacted too quickly and shamefully out of fear and for that I beg your forgiveness Princess Allura. But...” he drifted towards the end.

“This is too important for me to just give up on it now,” he said. But as he said it, it seemed like it was more for him then for her, something he needed to hear himself say. His words gave him strength, they gave him the false courage to look the princess in the eye and deny her.

“You were right before. When you said that the paladins, the empire, your coalition, none of them would understand.”

There could be no relationship between them. The coalition, the paladins, the Galra, they would only see the bad. No one would understand what they had together. What they could be together. It would only hurt the princess, and drive her loved ones and all she had worked for away. He would finish his mother’s work, and his own, but not at the cost of Allura’s. It wasn’t right.

Allura looked disheartened, this was not what she expected to hear. Her face showed her shock and dismay. She shook her head, rejecting his words.

“Lotor I was just saying things--I didn’t mean any of it,” she said.

He froze, her voice was pleading, Lotor couldn’t face her or he would lose his nerve. If Allura had hated him once she could hate him again, he needed to show her that every deplorable thought she’d had about him was true.

He filled his voice with malice, and disdain. If he could drive her away he could deal with his own feelings, he could have peace again.

“Really Princess and what would your precious paladins think of you in bed with me, a Galra, and the son of Zarkon. The leader of your coalition’s enemies.”

The princess’ eyes widened with surprise, she took another step back, away from him. Lotor realized he could use this, he moved and pinned her between him and the door. He raised his arm above her, and placed his other by her hip; he pressed her into the door. He came as close as he dared, placed his thigh between hers, their bodies almost touching. He wouldn’t touch her, he couldn’t trust himself, but he needed her away from him.

“You couldn't possibly think that all I wanted was your chaste kisses, and courtly love games. I am Galra, we are _conquerors_.”

Lotor felt vile, but it was a necessary evil. He would use her feelings as a weapon, and turn her away from him forever. Lotor brought his face low and close to her, so she couldn’t misconstrue his meaning. He nestled close to her neck, and breathed in the scent of juniberries. His head tilting to the side to whisper his heated words into her ear.

“You are naive to think that what I want is so simple...so pure,” he said, his voice as hard as stone, yet as venomous as any poison.

His tactics were shameful, but he needed to be free of her. Let her think of him as any man, that he would use her for her body without feeling. He pulled away and looked down at her, a false smirk on his lips. He needed to drive her away, and save what he could. His own feelings were absolute chaos, and he needed to end this before it went any further. Lotor could deal with hate and disgust easily enough, he had done so all his life.

He raised a hand and dragged his clawed index finger down her shoulder. Her face burned red, his plan was working. Her gaze fell to the floor. She didn’t know what she wanted, she couldn’t know what this would bring. He thought she was hiding her embarrassment, but Allura’s eyes changed. When she raised her head there was a fire growing in her eyes.

Allura pushed his hand aside and grabbed the front of his armor then spun them around. He hit the door with a thud, his back banging loudly against the metal. His head bouncing from the force, only to be rendered breathless from the pressure of her arm and his own shock. She pressed her forearm into his collar bone, and then began to grow. The princess shifted her size, growing taller to match his own height. She began to change her skin color as well, from the earthy copper color of her Altean skin to his own Galra lavender.

His eyes followed hers as she grew, even as she rose to his height. The shift was impressive, but it seemed that her intentions had the opposite effect on him. Instead of intimidating Lotor the princess only endeared herself more to him. He felt hot, his heart was beating fast and loudly in his chest. He wanted to put his hands all over her, worship her. This was the true Allura, he had tried to scare her, intimidate her; she brushed it off and met him with fury, ready for a fight.

“I am Princess Allura of Altea, true born daughter of King Alfor, an Altean alchemist of my own right, and a Paladin of Voltron.”

She pressed on his collar bone harder, causing him to groan in pain. Lotor reveled in the pain he felt, this was the fight he had been waiting for last night. Now pinned against his own door, he contained his grin with every ounce of self control he had left. She was glorious.

“I am well aware of what the Galra are capable of. I will not be ashamed of who I am or humiliated by you. I know you well enough by now to know when you are being false. Do not try to frighten _me_ Lotor.”

Her eyes were fierce. She saw through his deceptions without any hesitation. Ten thousand years he had waited for her, he would have waited ten thousand more. She was worth it.

“I am not afraid of you, or your desires.”

She made him burn from the inside out. Everything about her screamed power, and he recalled the promise he made her. The end of all their enemies. It had been a distant, and naive dream of his, but he knew that for her she would make it a reality. His greatest, most selfish, desire was to be there beside her when she made it happen.

“Allura,” was the only word he could get out. He could barely breathe.

His eyes dragged over her body, he leaned in slightly desperate to feel some part of her on him. Lotor didn’t know to process the heat in his loins. He wanted to press his hips to hers, he wanted to throw himself at her feet, and put his lips on every inch of her body.

She let go of him, placed her hand on his chest plate and slid her hand down his front. Her hand stopped over his heart. Every beat was thunder against his ribs, he felt every pulse with his whole body.

She raised her hand slowly to his face. The princess cupped his cheek with a gentle touch. He should have been ashamed how quickly he leaned into her hand, but Lotor had thought her tenderness lost to him forever. He raised his own hand to hers, and pressed her hand fully against his face. He turned his face slightly so his lips could feel the lines of her palm.

“Your desires are something I share.”

“Don’t,” he said. A tremor shook his voice at the end, and he felt even more like the coward he was.

He grit his teeth together, and pulled his face away from the princess’ hand. He looked down at Allura and frowned. How like her to take his manipulations, and idle threats and answer them with kindness. He had never known anything different when it came to the princess. Why would he expect any different from Allura now? As much as he longed for what she offered, he cared for her too much to offer nothing in return.

Lotor was desperate to make her see, to have her understand. He had been broken before; broken and rebuilt anew into something he and the Galra could accept, if not tolerate. If he lost her forever it would break him too, but if he could save some part of himself he could survive.

“You don’t know what you’re asking Allura,” he said. He broke away from the door and moved to the center of the room. He kept his back to her.

“Don’t I?” she asked.

“You make it seem like I want to take something from you. I don’t,” she said.

He turned to face her, her eyes were challenging. “I can’t give you what you want Princess. I can’t change,” he said.

There wasn't any part of him that hadn't been taken and changed by his people, for his people. The Galra had gotten their hands on every piece of him that they didn't like and tore at it until it became something else, something harder. The rest of him, the soft parts of him he kept locked away, he sacrificed to the Alteans. He wished he had been born someone more deserving of her, someone less broken, not the suspicious, feral beast he was.

“I don’t know what you saw in me last night, but I don’t want you to change. There’s nothing about you I would want to change Lotor,” she said.

Her eyes were fierce, but it was serene sort of passion; her eyes reminded him of a calm sea that gave way to storm clouds in the distance. The gaze ripped him bare and raw. His chest felt open again, the feeling that had plagued him for days, he thought he'd never experience it again.

“Don’t you see what could happen? What this will become?”

He looked at her, trying to find some sign of madness or delusion, she just didn’t see. She didn’t want to see. Allura looked at something and only saw the good. He would give in to her wishes, he wanted them too badly not to. Lotor knew that it would only bring him regret; his limited experience with offering any part of himself had ended with bitter heartache. This side of him had never been reached, it had never been touched, in truth he didn’t think it had even existed, but Allura brought out a different part of him.

“Lotor,” she said.

“Your father didn’t learn, and you will make the same mistakes.”

He tried one last effort to dissuade her from this path.

“Lotor, we’re not your parents,” she said.

He stopped cold and felt a twinge in his chest; he wanted to feel angry to argue on behalf of his mother and father. They were both foolish, and should have known better, but loving his mother had been the only good thing Zarkon had ever done.

Lotor idealized his mother so much because of how much his father had cared for her. He despised his half-Altean son, but he never said a word against his mother. His father despised Alteans for their weakness, but that had never passed to Honerva. Perhaps he considered her more Galra in personality then Altean.

It was more Allura’s claim against his parents that agitated him. His parents were clouded, his mother’s log showed her fall from reason plain enough. But some deep part of him had admired their relationship. He had glorified his father as a young boy for the great sacrifices he had gone to for Honerva’s sake. To hear Allura compare them, and look at it as a negative struck something in him. His parents had been his only example of true love for as long as he could remember.

“What I feel, what I feel for _you_ I can’t describe it.”

Another pang in his chest. Why not? He looked to her for guidance regarding these emotions. If she couldn’t describe it then it was hopeless for him. What if there was no name for they felt for each other? They could never move forward from this, they would never be more. Lotor began to feel such a lonely feeling of loss. As though he was becoming untethered, drifting into emptiness.

“What do you mean?” he asked. He was desperate for some kind of clarity from her.

“Allura,” his tone becoming distressed.

“I don’t want to take something from you. I want to give you something, and I offer it freely. I need nothing in return” she said.

Her tone was soft, fragile; she was trying to convey some sense of comfort to him, but her feelings weren’t reaching him. Lotor was more confused than ever.

The princess looked down as she reached for his right hand with both hers and took hold of it. A moment passed between them before she took a step forward, he could feel the clamminess of her hands, but it was his heart that raced. She was nervous, her skin was warm, and her eyes shone. Allura raised his hand cradled his hand to her heart.

He didn’t understand her or what she was trying to convey. His throat felt closed again, there was something looming over them, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

Her eyes darted to him then away from him, his never left her face, but she couldn’t meet his stare. Her cheeks were red, and unlike before the color was spreading down her neck to her collar bone. She was more nervous, then she’d ever been with him. Lotor was trying to work through what her words meant.

_“Offer it freely”_

Why was she trying for coyness now? What did she offer? Herself? Why would she try to bring lust back into the equation when he tried and failed. What could she possibly gain?

When he looked back on this moment he wished he had been more patient, and tried to understand Allura. It would have spared him so much heartbreak.

The ideas, and theories spiralling in his head landed on one clear, cold, thought.

 

She didn’t...

Oh

He had been wrong.

 

He thought...he thought he had seen something, but he was wrong. The pain he had felt before had grown inside him. Lotor thought he knew this feeling, knew the emptiness. Now he was a void, there was nothing, not even the smallest hope of light in him.

It was strange to feel nothing. It made him numb, his body, his mind, even the beating of his heart seemed superfluous.

He almost wanted to laugh, or smile, there would be no joy in either, but the moment just seemed somewhat funny to him. Lotor had never known love. He had been taught at a young age that it was something he should not expect, from anyone. No true Galra in the last ten thousand years had allowed themselves to fall prey to such weak emotions. It had cost them Daibaazal, it had cost the Alteans their lives and their home, it had no place in the Empire.

But Allura had been raised with it, she had been raised by it. Allura made a better ruler because she could inspire the people who followed her, but she kept their loyalty out of love. Lotor thought he was a good ruler. He found like minds, and friends in the peoples he had been put in charge of. They saw him as just, and fair, but when the alternative was his enslaving father Lotor could understand why their loyalty could be questioned.

His generals had been the ones he had trusted the most in the universe. He would never wish them ill, but he knew that their loyalty to him had come the Galra way. They followed him because he had been strong, they stayed because he treated them with the dignity other Galra would deny a half-breed. He knew they didn’t love him, he would never have asked that of them.

The princess had to have known love; she knew it better then any ideas of it he had. But if she didn’t know how to explain her own feelings. If she didn’t have the words for it, then...then it couldn’t be.

Lotor thought back on her words. He thought he had been dissuading her, perhaps she had been trying to do the same.

“We’re not your parents.”

Huh. She had said it without saying it.

Lotor stared into her eyes, suspicious, she was looking at him questioningly. Her cheeks were pink, and her hands were clasped together. She was nervously fiddling with her fingers. He would have thought it endearing if he didn’t feel so barren.

“Of course Princess...I understand I feel the same,” he said. Her face turned an even deeper shade of pink borderlining on red.

“You do?” she questioned.

It was then a sharp pain lanced through his chest. Her gaze was so sincere, there was no doubt she meant her words without the slightest drop of malice, but it hurt worse than anything he’d ever felt. He gritted his teeth, and took a deep breath then slowly let it out. His voice would be casual, jovial even, Lotor refused to show even a meager scrap of weakness in front of her, not now. She could never know how deep she had pierced his heart.

Lotor smiled, it was small and had little to offer in emotion, but it seemed to win her over. She smiled back. He really was a brilliant actor.

He lowered himself to kiss her cheek softly, her features turning bashful and delicate.

Sweet.

“I can’t deny this anymore. I’m tired of resisting when you feel it too. I will come to you tomorrow night Allura. We will put an end to all this confusion,” he said.

He raised a hand to her face, and stroked the roundness of her cheek. She leaned into his touch, and he felt his heart slam against his chest. He’d think her cruel if she thought she was capable of it. But she was just naive, and confused.

The princess had mixed up her emotions. If she couldn’t name it then, it wasn’t what he thought it was. She had combined affection, and desire, and tried to find a new answer when there wasn’t one. But he knew the difference. He would show her.

Lotor at his core was a proud man. He was proud of his heritage, his intellect, his skill, and above all his self taught compassion. The last had been the hardest. No one amongst the Galra wanted to show him any kindness growing up. The closest he had come to, had been Dayak. No, he taught himself to treat others with respect because none had even shown him any. But he learned, and his rule flourished with it. He hoped it was one of the things that had drawn Allura to him.

His one flaw he could say honestly was that he was selfish. He wanted too much. He had wanted his father’s approval, the Galra’s, he wanted knowledge, he wanted power to affect change, it went on.

He looked down at Allura smiling sweetly at him, and thought of the filthy things he had dreamt up. Because he was selfish, he would have her this way. Even if she didn’t want him in her heart, she would happily take him into her body.

Lotor would hold her against him, please her, worship her, carve her memory into his soul. He would ‘discuss’ with her all the things she didn’t understand, and teach her the difference between her simple affections, and lust. Then he would take the Altean princess and make her his, if only for moment.

He wanted this small part of her, and if she would share it with him he would take it, and hold it close. Whatever tenderness she had for him, though misguided, he would hoard it for himself.

“Get this healed tomorrow Allura,” he said. His thumb moving from her cheek to her cut lip.

He still felt great sorrow for causing the princess any pain. He felt even worse now because it had all been for nothing. He had only imagined the look he had seen.

Lotor had always been full of dreams, and fanciful ideas, but this had truly been his greatest bit of foolishness.

Allura nodded her head, and took a step back out of his grasp. She walked towards the door slowly, Lotor didn’t follow. She looked around at the destruction of his room. Her brows knitting together with worry.

“Shall I arrange a new room for your Lotor?” she asked.

“No Princess thank you, I’ll take care of this tomorrow. No need to trouble yourself,” he said, dismissing her concern.

She looked at him for a tick, then nodded her head. She opened the door, and turned back to face him.

“Then I guess, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes. Please look after that,” he said nodding to her lip with a tilt of his head. “And I’ll come to you Princess. Just wait for me after lights out.”

She nodded, understanding. The princess was staring at him again, as if she was trying to piece together what she had unleashed in him. The ache in his heart intensified under her eyes.

“Good night Allura,” he said, the desire for her to leave unspoken.

“Good night Lotor,” she said. The princess walked through the door, but not before she sent one last worried glance over her shoulder.

Lotor stared out at the empty, dark hallway for a dobosh or two. Then he made his way to the door panel, and pressed the buttons to shut and lock his door. The former prince let the rage, and sorrow that had been looming over him take control.

His hands curled into fists, and he clenched his jaw together so tightly he felt his head start to hurt. He punched at the heavy metal door with all his strength, over and over. He didn’t stop even when he felt his claws start to pierce his flesh, or when blood began to drip down from his hand. The former prince’s face morphed into a silent scream as he slid down the door. His hands left bloody trails down his door. The dent he made was substantial, but it wasn’t enough. Nothing would ever be enough.

He wanted to tear his chest open, free himself of this pain. Lotor could feel nothing else. He had been so stupid. What had he been thinking? He let himself get caught up in his own emotions, and for what? Because a gentle hand reached out to him.

The fool that he was had spurned his fabricated feelings for the princess. He had caused her pain, and worry; hurt her and made her to bleed. All because he had been afraid of her feelings. Feelings he had only imagined.

Now real feelings of shame coursed through him. He looked to her for guidance regarding these feelings, he had hid from them, not wanting to face the truth of what he saw. But deep down, a part of him that should never have existed, had hoped. It had sustained him when he was young on belief and dreams. Lotor had thought he had grown out of those delusions, but they seem to have manifested in another part of him.

He had wanted the tenderness, and the warm feelings. He fought them, but he knew above all that he truly had wanted them.

He wanted to be someone who could fall in love.

He had gotten too comfortable with her tender touches, her beautiful smiles, and like a stooge grew suspicious. He turned it away when he should have luxuriated in it a little longer. The soft dream world of her room last night had been the happiest time of his life, now it was tainted.

Lotor had never wished to cry so badly before in his life. He had let his tears dry up when he was a boy, but now he felt like they were the only thing that could truly convey his pain. But they never came, he just sat on his knees by the door.

_I thought she loved me._

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HO SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD ME!!!! SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS NEVER GONNA GET FINISHED BUT HERE I AM BITCH!!!!!!!
> 
> God this took forever! Thank you, everyone, who read and stuck around for this fic. I am so grateful for your support and your questions. The reviews and the kind words proved to me that this fandom is definitely worth the effort of its artists and writers. I am so happy I discovered Lotura and that I wrote this fic. It's the longest thing I've ever written and I'm so proud of it. Thank you again to everyone who waited and thank you for your patience.

* * *

 

 

 

Lotor had waited for a whole varga after the Castle’s crew had gone to bed before he made his way to the princess’ room. The ship was quiet and dark, but he still walked slowly and carefully. He knew some of the paladins were light sleepers. The two royals didn’t need any questions regarding these personal matters.

Last night had dealt him a blow, and with each step he let his heart harden a little more. Lotor needed to guard it against the princess. Allura possessed a terrible talent for unraveling him, she could reach through his defenses without trying. No one had been allowed that privilege, but Allura had found a way. He had been wrong, and now he knew he could never let anyone so close again.

He knocked on the door softly, only once, to signal his arrival. The door opened with a swoosh, and he walked in. The princess had been clearly sitting on the bed and had stood up at his knock. He hadn’t seen her all day, and now his heart ached so sorrowfully at the sight of her. As though it had both lost and found something precious.

Allura had been fiddling with a long strand of her white hair, twirling it around her finger. She quickly clasped her hands behind her when he came in, she didn’t want to show how anxious she was.

“Good evening Princess,” he said with a bow. He stepped into the room, and the doors closed and locked behind him.

“Good evening Lotor,” she replied. “Thank you for coming.” Nodded his head in agreement, choosing to remain silent.

He had mentally prepared himself all day, but dealing with Allura had never gone according to his plans. Lotor felt a fissure open up inside at the sound of his name. There was a resignation to his feelings. Realizing her feelings for him weren’t real was a loss, a defeat, now he knew how it felt to collapse into a black hole.

He was there, to “fulfill” Allura’s and his baser desires. To accept what she “offered” him last night. To give in to the primal feelings that had confused them both. She would know him, and he would know her. He would ‘help’ her understand these feelings she had, let her see the shallowness of them.

There was no malice in his intentions, selfishness maybe, but no cruelty. He didn’t think there was any in Allura’s either. Now that he knew she had no real definition for whatever emotions she felt, Lotor could approach this encounter unattached. He hoped to use this as a chance to sever himself from whatever hold she had on him.

He would accept his fate to reclaim his mother’s work, his destiny to restore Altea, but he would make this delusion of his come true first.

He could at least pretend it was love, for a moment.

Lotor stared down at the princess as her face began to redden, she was nervous. She turned away and took a step towards her back room.

“Um...would you like to go in the back? The mice are with Pidge we can talk more and privately, or…” she said drifting through her words.

He shook his head rejecting that idea, he knew why he was here tonight. Nervous as she was she did too, he wanted to avoid any more discussions regarding their emotions. He couldn’t afford anymore heartache.

Lotor was new to this pain, heartache, he had learned last night that it never really went away. He had barely been able to sleep at all, as the sharp, stabbing pain that came with each breath he took prevented it. The strangest thing about it was it eventually gave way to more pain, a blunt, ache that he tried but failed to ignore.

“I think we said everything we needed to say last night,” he said. “I’m not very articulate when it comes to these matters,” that was the most open he had been with her about his feelings.

She giggled quietly and said, “I doubt that.”

Lotor wanted her to believe him, believe in the lie, believe his act so she could understand her own truth.

“It’s true, and besides with feelings like this action speaks louder. Let me show you the depth of my feelings for you Princess,” he said.

Allura looked up at him, a small smile on her lips; they looked like a budding flower, sweet and unassuming. She took his words at face value, not sensing the selfishness of his desires underneath his honeyed speech. He swept her up in a gentle embrace, holding her against him.

Lotor let himself enjoy this one last untainted moment, the princess’ arms pressed against him and her head resting on his chest. He laid his cheek on the crown of her head, and let himself start to fall into the sweetness of his own fantasy. To anyone looking in they were happy, and in love.

That was what he would have them believe, but Lotor knew better. He had learned early in life that when it came to the softer emotions, nothing was real. The Dayaks that his father assigned him never cared for him. His father had never cared for him. Allura was just confused. At least with the lack of a mother, he could keep the fleeting belief that she would have cared for him, and that hope was better than the truth. The truth was always just a bitter miscalculation on his part.

He broke away, then took her hand and led her to the right side of the bed. He turned around, looking, his head moving around her room. He found his prize behind her curtain. He pulled it back and exposed her vanity, and its mirror.

He wandered over to the vanity, looked over at Allura and where she was standing. He only needed to move it a little for the princess to be fully captured in the mirror’s reflection.

“What are you doing?” She asked.

“You'll see.”

He removed the chest plate and his arm guards. The heavy metal was unnecessary for this delicate work. He placed them down in her back room where the mirror was, he kept on his undershirt and his gloves.

Lotor made his way back to the princess and sat down on one side of the bed. Allura was looking back and forth between the mirror and him. There was a red color growing across her cheeks as she began to piece together the puzzle. His actions weren't difficult to understand, and the princess had always been clever.

He wanted to _watch_.

The former prince watched her carefully, studying her blushing face and committing it to memory. He enjoyed watching her. The delicate features of her face as they changed with each emotion.

Lotor reached out a hand towards the princess, she turned and took it. His legs spread to make room for her. His eyes moved up and down, taking everything about her. From her soft, white sleeping dress to her bare feet; her dress was held up by thin pink ribbons at her shoulders, tied together in a bow. They seemed very flimsy.

“Your gown is lovely Princess,” he said.

“Thank you. I don’t-- I don’t wear it very often,” she said. Her eyes moved to the side avoiding his gaze.

“The ribbons come loose, and it makes sleeping…” she said drifting off.

“Uncomfortable?” he finished.

“No, not really -- waking actually, it’s just--awkward, and cold.”

He pictured her pretty white dress coming undone in her sleep, baring her breasts to the air, and her soft breaths making them rise and fall.

“I don’t think this gown was designed for sleep Princess,” he teased. Her face maintained his pink flush.

“Did you wear this for me?” he asked, a pleased smile graced his lips.

He liked the idea of the princess attempting seduction. Lotor made no obvious show of staring at her, but he still memorized the image before him. She nodded her head.

“What other lovely things are you wearing Allura?” he asked.

She chuckled softly, and her face maintained its red flush. The princess gave him a pointed look and tilted her head down her body. His eyes followed and stopped at her hips, he quickly glanced back at her for confirmation. He reached a hand out and let it coast down her body, not touching her, just tracing the shape of her in the air. He felt a brush of strange fabric underneath his fingertips. A rise in one of her eyebrows let him know his hunch was correct. He huffed a small laugh, and his first real smile of the night appeared. Allura was always full of surprises.

The princess had her hair in her usual bun, and she had neglected the pink robe so the curve of her shoulders was bare. It made for a lovely silhouette in the soft light of her room. She looked down at him with a sweet smile. Her quiet happiness soothed his sorrow, and let him fall into the fantasy that all of this was real.

Lotor brought his hand to the princess’ face and stroked her cheek. He had collected so many smiles. The one on her face was the first one she had given him. It was tender and warm, it had been the first real glance he had at the kindness within Allura’s heart.

His mind was falling deeper into the fiction he was creating, the one that let him believe that her smile had a deeper meaning; but in his chest, all he felt was the creeping cold.

Lotor took her free hand in his and squeezed her gently, trying to channel the easygoing energy they had had together last night. She smiled back, it was small and somewhat guarded, but she didn’t seem to sense the change in him.

“Are you alright?” she asked, dashing all of his assumptions.

 

Well, it wasn’t the first time he’d been wrong.

 

It was clear that whatever false cheery aura he was giving was off not enough to fool the princess. She needed more. Her brows were knitted together with the first signs of concern. He plastered on a wider smile to keep her suspicions away.

“Of course Allura. Are you?” he said. The charade did seem to be working, and Allura’s smile grew.

“Yes of course, of course, just a bit nervous,” she said. Skittish her eyes wandered around the room.

She probably was expecting him to proceed, but after everything he had misunderstood he knew now, it was better for her to take the first step.

Allura looked down at their still joined hands then back to his face. Lotor tried to focus on the sight in front of him. Allura seemed to sense that he wasn’t going to make a move.

It was hard to not feel for her. The storm of emotions he had felt for her over the last few days had come to a paralyzing stop. He had been so confused over what he had been feeling, but now he felt so lost and empty. She let go and took a step away from him. She reached a hand to the ribbons on her left shoulder and began to pluck at it to undo the bow. He stopped her.

“No, leave it on. I want to look at it a little longer. You put it on especially for me.”

He did like the ribbons and the taunt that was her dress, but he also needed to wrap himself up in the delusion they were creating together. Lotor didn’t want to tease her too much, but mischief had always come easily to him.

His smirk was more than real as he plotted in his mind what he wanted from the princess. Her face was red, and she was clearly flustered. He needed her desperate, he needed her to lose herself so that he could too. They could toss away whatever emotions that had brought them here, and forget it all in a cloud of lust and desire.

That should be an easy enough goal. His eyes traveled up and down the white sleeping dress. It was shorter than her usual attire, she had probably known that.

“Raise your hem.”

Allura’s surprised gaze met his hungry one. He had wanted this woman for days, there would always be a part of him that would want her, he knew that now and could admit it to himself. He had denied himself her affections and her tenderness, he had toyed with her desires. Now he would take the fire inside her, stroke it, and make her burn for him.

“I don’t want you to take your dress off I just want you to raise your hem.”

The princess’ hands grasped at the thin white fabric. Lotor watched her hand clench themselves tightly, then like a flower, her fingers, long and delicate, unfurled a little and pulled the dress up bit by bit. His body was awakening to an irresistible hunger, Allura was coming into her own as a damned tease if her growing smile was anything to go by. The dress rose slowly, agonizingly slow, but each inch of flesh that was revealed sparked a wildness in him.

The surprise under her dress was pretty ruffled panties. They were white, with a small pink ribbon to match the ones on her shoulders. They were cut like very small shorts, and the very image of them made him salivate. The white was such a beautiful contrast to her dark skin, and the ribbon drew his gaze to the most sacred part of her. He needed to know the taste of her; the soft unseen stretch skin that led to her sex called to him.

“These are absolutely darling,” he said.

Allura took a step forward, eager to show him maybe, and stopped right in front of him so his eye line was practically at her hips. He looked her in her eyes and never broke contact, even as he moved forward and placed his mouth on the skin beneath her navel.

A kiss, a soft start to this night, a brush of skin on skin as his lips coasted the surface of her body. The princess shivered as his mouth wandered lower leaving wet, delicate kisses on her. He opened his mouth and ran the tip of his tongue in one long stripe along her body. A gasp escaped as her stomach contracted, and the grip on her dress tightened. He pulled her underwear down, but only a little, dropping light kisses on the new skin he explored. The feathery brush of curls on his chin was a sweet torment. He knew what lay just a little further down; the soft feminine folds of her sex would be his to touch and taste.

His breath was hot and damp on her skin, his confused emotions had given way to pure sexual need. Allura arched, he grasped her hips and tilted his head to look up at her. His voice was hoarse, and deep when he spoke.

“May I touch you?” he asked.

Allura nodded quickly and he pulled away from her. The hands on her hips turned the princess around and he pulled her down towards the bed. She fell back against him into the cradle of his spread legs. Her back was pressed against him, even this was deliciously satisfying, like a puzzle they snapped neatly into place together.

Lotor’s hands slid down her body, his left coming to surround her waist keeping her close to him. While his other hand found its way to the heated temptation of her inner thigh. The princess had let go of her sleeping dress; possibly too distracted by his ministrations or perhaps to find a better grip. He stroked her over her ruffled panties, just a fingertip, searching for the source of her pleasure.

Lotor caressed her clitoris with the tip of his claw. The moans slowly began to slip out of her throat, it wasn’t enough she was too quiet, he wanted her louder. He ran his finger down the seam of her, he could feel the warm moisture saturate the soft panties. The princess turned her head, tucked right underneath his chin, she looked up at him.

“Lotor,” she said, her heated breath against his neck. “Kiss me.”

He had wanted to avoid kissing her again, it had been their downfall. But face to face with her pleasure, and her longing stare he chose to give in to her every desire. If he could only have her now, like this, he would take advantage of the opportunity. Lotor would give in to the wicked and delicious feelings he had denied himself. He would give Allura everything, bury himself beneath her skin with every carnal touch, so she could never forget him.

Her hand moved up to cup his jaw, it trembled slightly against his face, he let go of her waist to steady her hand. He pressed her palm firmly to his face, turning to nip at any smooth skin he reached with his mouth. Lotor studied her lips. They were delicate and lush, and as his finger dragged over her covered clit again her mouth fell open and she arched upwards, her breath becoming more frenzied.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore Princess?” he asked. He nudged his mouth against the right-hand corner of her lips. The cut was gone, she had healed it as he had asked, but he worried still.

She shook her head and searched for his lips with her own. His eyes closed and lowered his head to meet her kiss. Lotor kissed her, molding his lips to hers, and she responded with a low moan. He pushed his tongue in deeper and feasted on the warmth of her mouth. He felt the tip of her tongue against him, so unexpected he figured her more inexperienced, but the delicate tangle of their flesh made him think otherwise.

He reached a hand into her underwear. The gloves on his hands were soft and made of thin fabric. They gave him movement while allowing for sensation. His claws were able to retract with ease in them, and that’s what he did, all except his index finger. The gentle scrape of his covered nail on flesh was a teasing delight for both him and Allura.

She thrashed against his lips as his fingers parted her. The heat and moisture of her flesh underneath his fingers was a welcome, and delicious feeling. A weakness overcame the princess and she broke their kiss to take a sharp breath. She quivered in his hold and her hands gripped for security. He wrapped a hand around her waist again, and she quickly clutched at the support. The other hand took hold of the sheets beneath them in a tight fist, giving her an anchor as she arched against pushing her ass firmly against his hardening cock. Lotor groaned, a filthy sound, he was unused to hearing. He bit at her neck, teasing nips and bites, startled at her sudden wantonness.

His fingertip stroked through her curls, barely touching, focusing the majority of his attention on the aching nub of her sex. It seemed his torment of her swelling clit was becoming too much for Allura. Her pussy was beginning to dampen her panties, and her pliant body was becoming more demanding. She turned her head, her lips just below his ears, and whispered an undeniable request.

“Lotor, please,” she achingly cried.

He responded with a particularly slow grind of her clit, his new favorite toy. He felt the heat and more moisture rise from her. He loosened his hold against her, she turned to look up him a questioning look on her face. Lotor was as eager to ignore her desperate pleas as he was to hear them. She would be his sweet instrument, and he would learn to play with her body at his pace.

The princess seemed desperate for him, but it wasn’t enough. Allura spread her legs wider, anticipating his wants now, but even with this, he wanted more.

“What do you want Allura?” he asked, greedy.

He wanted her to lose herself, rip free of whatever bindings held her so reserved. He wanted a fever driven Allura to burst out, and he would torment her with his agonizing slow touch until she did. Her breath was distressed and her chest was rising up and down rapidly, but her voice was adamant.

“More,” she said.

Then her body moved quick like a snake, and her ass rubbed against his erection in a heartless wicked way. He gripped her gown like a vice and drove his hips into her hard. He was deliciously hard now, and she could feel it, every lucid thought had vanished from his mind as he ground himself into the princess.

“Do you want to feel me, Princess? Do you wish I was inside you?” he said, his lips whispered harsh and urgent into her ear. Lotor felt her straining against him seeking out his touch now.

“Will you let me Allura, please Princess it’s all I want,” he said.

His yearning for her now had become a corrupting influence. She began to work against his hand. He turned his gaze to the mirror and was able to watch as well as feel the princess free herself of her underwear. He choked on his own tongue as he watched her.

She loosened her fists from their grip on the sheets, and let her hands roam under her dress. He felt her hips grind into his, but it was only a side effect of the greater movement. Her hands found her ruffled panties, and in the mirror he watched her lower them over her legs, then spread herself for him. Her legs stretched out against his knees and while his hand covered her luscious pussy barring him from seeing it in the mirror. He felt her sex gush a new wave of wetness at her actions. His middle finger rubbed at her opening, daring to slip the tip of his finger in.

“I bet you feel amazing. I’ll reach so deep I’ll never want to leave,” he said.

She moved her hips up to meet his finger. There was a fire licking at his groin now, enticing him to action, he wanted her. He wanted to throw her down and thrust into her. The idea of sinking into her made him feverish and desperate. He would not, he could hold on just a little longer; he spread the folds of her sex and pushed his middle finger inside her.

Allura’s cries reached new heights, in volume and in frequency. Her body clenched around his finger. He moved deeper inside her feeling her sex clench and throb around his finger. She was so soft, to have her so intimately made him even harder. He moved to kiss her again. Her lips opened to him, and his tongue licked tender and impatient caresses against her own. They seemed to sap her strength because she gave in and laid her head against his shoulder, letting him take complete control of her body.

“Oh stars, Lotor, Lotor,” she cried out. His probing finger found a particularly savory patch of flesh, that made her twist and sob in ecstasy.

“Yes Allura, sweet Allura,” he said the lust making him almost ravenous.

He needed to hold out a little longer she would come soon, and he would see it for all its glory. Her mouth turned seeking another kiss, the sight of her plush and silky lips brought him to distraction he wanted to compromise her sweetness in every way he could imagine. Let his memory be carved into every inch of her skin, every part he touched would carry a piece of him.

He withdrew his finger, much to Allura’s disappointment, and renewed his shameless teasing of her clit. It had swelled and he scraped his only extended claw against the sensitive rosy nub. The princess grabbed at his wrist and his forearm with both hands. She pressed her hips into his touch wanting to get the full effect of his touch. But it would be fruitless, he would deny her over and over because he savored the slow torment more. Every cry and pleading sound was all he wanted, and he would postpone her climax for as long he could.

“Lotor, please, please” she begged.

“Tell me, Princess,” he said. He made it a point to drive his own hips into her, bliss surging through him at Allura’s urgent pleas.

“I think...I think I’m” she cut off her words with a throaty whimper. She was desperate, needy, but she wasn't completely gone yet. He would get her there though.

She arched and groaned in impotent rage, she thought her torment was over. A small smile appeared in his mirror vision. It wasn’t cruel, only teasing, they would both have what they wanted.

Her grip on his arm was useless, only one finger was needed and it stroked her sensitive clit slowly and patiently, and his cock was hardening by the tic, but he had never cared less. She wrapped her hand around his and tried to keep him on her. He bit at her ear, she groaned at his teasing, but he needed her to know who was in control.

She would be his, at this moment he controlled her every emotion. The lust and desire she felt were his. The panting breaths were his, the hunger in her eyes was his, the climax her dripping pussy was craving would only be satisfied by him. He would be her everything if only for a moment.

Allura struggled against his hold again, moving with the slide of his nail against her aching for her release. She was getting close, he could feel it, the desperation was practically tangible. Her nails dug into the fabric of his glove, almost piercing the flesh underneath them. A particular slow scrape of his claw had the princess shaking in his arms. She threw her head back and took deep, lungfuls of air. He paused for a moment, and she shook her head from side to side in outrage.

“No, no, no please, don’t stop I was almost there,” she said. He slid his middle finger deep inside her again, and she groaned, a greedy noise from within her.

Lotor let himself slide as far as he could reach. He nuzzled her ear and whispered his dark demands to the Altean princess.

“Move,” he said. “Move your hips, sweet princess, fuck yourself on my fingers.”

Her breath hitched, and she shuddered against him. For a moment he panicked he had gone too far in his sensuous torture, but her hand moved over him and she reached down between them to draw him in a little deeper. He felt her throb around him as the tip of his finger reached to the deepest part of her.

“Allura,” he said.

The drag of her hips was slow, gradual but each motion brought him closer to her. Her body was an endless wave; moving in steady rhythm her ass ground against his hard cock, while with shallow thrusts she fucked his hand.

Her small movements, his finger hadn't really left her warmth. She kept him wrapped up within her sheath. His other hand traveled towards her breasts. Lotor kept a light hold on Allura, keeping her steady, but he had been plagued by the thought of her breasts and her real nipple color for the last few days.

His hand rose up to caress her through the nightgown. The former prince toyed with the hardened nipples through the thin gown, letting his thumb run up and down the peak of one breast. Lotor was only half interested in at the task at hand, all his attentions were focused back on their reflections.

They showed a princess caught in the throes of lust and desire. Allura closed her eyes and turned her head to his cheek to press her mouth against it. Her soft mouth burned him. He pulled her to his aroused body settling her weight against him. Lotor tilted his head and kissed her, his passion and desire had changed into something dark and elemental. His hand drifted over the round shape of her breast, grasping at the tender flesh nearly tearing the delicate fabric of her nightgown.

She gasped and arched to meet his touch. Allura’s involvement had been tentative, to mildly interested, as if she was afraid of getting caught up in it, in him. Now the fire he kindled had grown into something more. His own lustful agony taking control over him, he’s let it get too far. He’s too close, it’s too hot between them he feels like he is melting into her.

“Off, please let me feel you,” he said desperately.

He never undid the ribbons holding up her dress, he didn’t want to. But he did slide them down her shoulders, and she hurriedly pulled her arms up and through them. Her nightgown slipped down easily enough after that, baring her to his unhampered touch. It pooled around her hips, and his other arm wrapped around her easily enough, grounding her to him, or perhaps the other way around.

Lotor hitched his hips up hard and fast. The angle was deeper, sharper, and Allura gasped. Her body was taut, every muscle strained and flexed. Her wet was practically pooling in his palm as his finger drove into her. She was right on the edge, poised at the precipice all she needed was a push.

“Give in,” he growled.

Lotor looked up into the mirror and saw his chance. The princess was lost in her pleasure, her face hidden in the crook of his neck. He retracted his claws and withdrew his finger, only to replace them with two in the next heartbeat. Allura throws her head back against his shoulder, mouth open shouting her for him to hear and savor.

She’s there, he could feel it. Her pussy began to tighten on his fingers winding her up for her climax. He opened his mouth wide looked into the mirror meeting his own gaze then sliding down to Allura.

Lotor bit down hard on the junction between her neck and shoulder. His fangs sinking in, but not breaking the skin. It would hurt, but only a little. A small pain that should amplify the pleasure.

_Ah!-Ah!-AH!- **AH!**_

The orgasm ripped through her, Lotor held her tight, feeling every tremor. The surge of wet that coated his fingers. She was beautiful, straining against him needing more. He pumped his fingers slowly luxuriating in the soft, pulsing flesh of her sex.

The feeling for Lotor himself was pure ecstasy. He pressed kisses to her neck letting his lips take him to any patch of skin it could reach, soothing the bite he’d given her. Lotor didn't know if it was poor luck on his part or sheer force of will and stamina that he didn't come too.

He had her desperate and shaking in his arms. If he gave her a good half dozen hard thrusts he would be joining her, but the thrill of leaving her empty and hollow clenching at nothing was stoking his fires even more.

Now she would be wet, eager, and begging for his cock. Allura underneath him, his to have and hold, and her only thoughts of him and how good he felt so deep inside her.

Allura’s breathing was erratic, his name came out as whisper every so often. She was weak against his body, resting and recovering from her climax. He loved to tease his partners until they were coming apart then slowly being put back together. He slipped his hand away from her sex, the muscles still clenching and shuddering with small aftershocks, and moved to lift her.

“Put your arms around me, Princess,” he said.

Lotor moved to stand up, his hand going under the princess’ legs while her arms shakily encircled his neck. He lifted her up and turned to face the bed, placing the princess down gently. Her breathing was still uneven and her eyes seemed heavy. Smug satisfaction overcame him for a moment, his blood was hot and every muscle felt tight and alive. Soon, Lotor thought, he would have her, soon he would have everything he wanted.

But when the princess looked up at him her eyes with such honest joy his arrogance left him, and in its place was a strange mix of sadness and acceptance. He wouldn’t have everything he wanted, but he would hold the woman he had come to care for. It should have left him cold and alone, but with Allura in his arms, even that sour spiteful emotion could be negated.

Lotor leaned his head down and nuzzled close to the princess; their foreheads tenderly touching. He turned around and placed Allura on the bed gazing down at her. He took a step back from the bed and began to reach for his belt, his tassets fall aside, and falling to the ground. Allura rose weakly from the bed and beckoned him closer with a curl of her hand. He smirked this felt normal, the intimacy and the casualness; this had been his goal, what he had been chasing. Lotor would indulge himself in this feeling for as long as he could.

Their closeness had been as easy as breathing for him, but his poisoned kiss the night before had ruined everything. He was happy to have even this, he couldn’t lose this. The dull ache in his chest had faded to a passing memory; watching Allura fall into orgasm had temporarily washed away that pain. He stood in front of the naked princess and let her have her way with his clothes.

There was a look in her eye as she reached for the hem of his shirt. He raised his arms and she pulled it up and over him, baring his body to her inspection. Allura ran a hand down his torso, starting at his shoulder and dawdled over every inch muscle and skin her fingertips caressed.

The delicate light of her room flattered her, her dark skin reflected the soft blue light beautifully; it looked like she was surrounded by stars.

His eyes dragged over her with longing, she was bare and beautiful before him, it felt like his chest had forgotten how to expand. He couldn’t catch his next breath.

Allura’s own gaze was dark and dangerous with nothing in between them anymore, her eyes roamed over his body. He felt hot and dazed like a fog had descended on him and blurred the edges of his consciousness and his rationale. She touched him with light and quick fingers, barely touching the skin in some places, but where she did became a point of sensation for him. Her whispered brushes made him shiver deliciously, and hunger for more. Lotor liked this new lust in the princess’ eyes.

Lotor studied the image of the Altean princess; she was bare and wet for him. Her eyes drifted downwards to take in his own covered sex. He was hard and straining for her. His cock rigid and leaking pre-cum, the whole of it against his belly.

His gloves were still tacky from her and he pulled them off one fingertip at a time. The princess sat back down and watched the show, he smiled at her questioning look and returned her gaze with a fiery one of his own.

Lotor brought his hand to his mouth and pulled the last fingertip off with his teeth. He grew a devious smile on his face as he watched the princess bite her lip in lustful hunger. He tossed the gloves onto a nearby chair.

“Proud of your handiwork?” he asked, a single brow raised.

“Hmmm?” Allura tilted her head in a questioning way, while a teasing smile blossomed on her lips.

“I think you ruined my gloves.”

Red erupted across her face, starting at the bridge of her nose, rolling over her cheeks, and coursing down her neck. Her skin bright and her eyes were wide with shock. It made him smile, and laugh loud and deep. A burst of laughter born of true joy and mirth. She turned away from him and fell face down into the sheets to hide her embarrassment.

He reached for one of her legs and pulled her towards him. The smile still on his face. She continued to hide from him dragging the sheets and pillows with her. His eyes wandered over her bare form, stopping on the lush flesh of her ass. He looked up once more at Allura hiding from him and made his move.

Lotor bent down, fangs out once more, and bit her on the ass.

Allura yelped in shock and scurried away from him and his nibbling. She turned to face him sheets held up to her body for protection. Her face, ears, neck were bright red, and the color was starting to move down towards her chest. Lotor gave her a smug, full toothed grin at his triumph.

“Lotor!”

“What?” he said in an incredulous tone. He had the audacity to chuckle at her outrage as if he didn’t know why she was so mad.

He pulled at the sheet and she fell forward a little but made up for it by pulling harder forcing him to kneel on the bed.

“You have nothing to be ashamed of Princess. I will treasure them forever.”

Her face grew even redder and she pulled him towards her with one last tug and he fell face first onto the bed. He was quickly met with a smug princess leaning over him. She darted up and pinned him down by his wrists straddling his waist. He laid flat on his back and gaze up at Allura, unaware of the devotion in his eyes.

“Am I to be punished Princess?” he asked a wide and self-satisfied smile on his face.

“You bit me!” she exclaimed pushing down on his wrists, causing them both to bounce on the bed. Lotor would swear to every star he could name that he did not sneak a look at her chest.

“Oh please Princess do your worst,” he said antagonizing his captor.

She kissed him full on the mouth cupping his face in her hands. She nipped at his lower lip teasingly, soothing at the bite with her tongue. He opened his mouth to let her in and their lips and tongues danced together.

His plan to awaken her fevered desires was working, she would have some understanding of her feelings, and he would be done with his confusing feelings. This impatient longing that had tormented him for days would be gone and he could continue with his greater plans for the Galra and Altea. He and Allura would part ways, clarity would clear their eyes and return the focus they had lost on this sordid distraction.

Lotor smiled at her actions, ignoring the underlying hurt. None of it would matter after tonight.

He did have one hesitation though, it had been slithering at the edges of his mind since they had begun, perhaps even before that. It was a bit of a crass question, but he wanted to know. He stopped her hands as they moved towards the buttons on his pants. His focus on the detailed lines of her hands, unable to meet her eyes.

“Allura, is this your...are you a...will this be your first time?” he finally managed to get out his words and look her in the eyes. Embarrassment wasn’t new to him anymore, but feeling it again was still off-putting.

She smiled, it was small and somber, a memory.

“No, there was another, a long time ago,” she said.

A cloud of mixed emotions, relief, and anger, passed over him. He was jealous and angry that someone had known Allura in this way. But it was a wave of petty fragile anger that only poked at his ego. The feeling of relief was strange though, but welcome. He didn’t want to bear the responsibility, to be her first and then leave her. She deserved the joys of first love. He could wish nothing better for her, he truly believed that. But selfishness was a burden he carried and he knew the twinge he felt inside was misguided jealousy.

The back of his index finger stroked the side of her face. Her eyes brightened and were filled with a soft, but breakable emotion. He needed to be gentle his next actions, no matter what he felt.

“Who?” he asked.

Her look changed to a mischievous, but shy look. Her eyes drifted downward but would dart up at him coyly, a sly smile on her lips as a giggle escaped her. Lotor tilted his head curiously at what had made the princess smile.

“He was the son of an Altean alchemist,” she said her smile growing at her confession.

Lotor chuckled too now and shook his head at the coincidence. He raised an eyebrow and gave the princess an impertinent look.

“Allura, I think you have a type,” he said.

She rolled her eyes, and laughed again, she drew him closer once more. Lotor stared up at Allura, a smirk on her lips, one to match his. He raised his head to kiss her, lining her body up with his as he placed his hands on her hips. She wound her arms around his neck and met his kiss with a fiery one of her own that seemed to unravel his remaining self-control.

The need for air eventually pulled them apart. She looked at him with warmth in her eyes as she spoke.

“I never would have looked at him if I had known you.”

Something inside Lotor dislodged itself, he felt a pull towards the princess, something was drawing him to her. A small smile was on his face, but he felt himself growing colder inside. He didn’t want necessarily to kiss her, to distract himself with touch, but he wanted to feel something, feel her. He wanted to know her mind, her heart, all of her.

Whatever had removed itself had left an empty hole, he wanted to fill it with something. It was strange but he thought of Alfor and his father at that moment. He wondered, again, what the two rulers would have thought of their children. What they would have thought of them like this, together, or would it have been completely different.

The truth was Lotor didn’t want to think of a world where Allura couldn’t kiss him.

He held the princess close to him and pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was gentle and soft, but underneath Lotor was calculating.

It would be too much, he knew that, holding her in his arms. He would hear her desperate pleas, his name whispered into his ear, so he needed to prevent any more contact. Even he had a tolerance for pain. He pulled away but left his hands on her waist stroking small circles onto her skin. His brow knitted together in false concern.

“Perhaps then princess you would be more comfortable on your front,” he suggested. Her own forehead began to crease together in confusion.

“On my front?” she said.

“Yes, princess, it…it would be less painful…” he began to flounder. His words held the truth in them, but the meaning behind it was being lost in his stumbling.

“If it’s been a while it can be an adjustment at first for a woman, and I wouldn’t want to cause you any unnecessary pain. So perhaps…” he said drifting at the end.

Her eyes drifted down and to the side, avoiding his own gaze, and her voice was low when she spoke.

“But, um… I want… I want to see you,” she said.

Her words made him hunger for her. He wanted to feel the closeness, the intimacy she was feeling, but there needed to be some kind of wall that divided his emotions.

Lotor wanted to reach out to her, hold her close to him, and never let her go. But the other half felt as though he was being pulled farther and farther away.

“You will see me,” he said inching forward and bringing his body close to hers. His hands brushed up her sides and rubbed the cold away from her upper arms. He needed to chase away his anxieties, and getting caught up in her lust would help him with that.

Lotor pressed himself close and tucked his head into the hollow of her neck. He pressed kisses into her skin, and made his way up to her ear; nibbling on the lobe to bring his point home and end the questions.

“And more importantly you will feel me,” he finished.

The princess sighed into his touch and let herself be swayed by his honeyed words. He couldn’t look her in the eyes. Selfish desires aside Lotor wouldn’t make love to her with falsity in his eyes.

“Lotor,” she moaned, as his teeth sank into her neck again. He nipped another mark onto her cinnamon skin. She arched her body against his, pressing her hips up to his, igniting his own urges and putting his more conflicting feelings to the side.

“This way is more pleasurable for you as well Allura,” he said, waylaying any fears or suspicions Allura might have had.

“Really?” she questioned. “I’ve never done it this way… oh, might as well.”

She gave up and loosened her arms from around his neck, and sat back away from him as he stripped off the rest of his clothes. He released the princess and she kept her eyes on his hips, as his hands tugged and undid the last remaining barrier between them.

“It’s better this way. For both of us,” he said, the only real truth to his words.

He felt shame and disgust at his lies, but at the heart of his lie was a greater desire to protect his own heart. He couldn’t bear having her so close, and knowing that she would forever remain out of his reach. He was mortal enough to feel his feverish desires for her and give in to them but he wasn’t so self-flagellating that he would look in her eyes with a lie in his.

She would wake in the morning with the new knowledge that her conflicted feelings were nothing more than passing desire. Allura would see him and realize her mistake, and with all the grace of a princess of her station act within the social status of decorum.

She would move on with her ephemeral feelings, and Lotor’s own lust would be slated. He had learned at an early age to hold back his feelings, he would continue to do so once they both had what they wanted.

Lotor knew that there was a difference in what he knew was _good for him_ , and what _he really wanted_.

She watched him from over her shoulder as she moved to her hands and knees. Her body a line of muscle and soft flesh to be caressed and kissed by him. He found it hard to feel guilty over his lies when Allura sent him such a filthy look. She was ready and waiting for him and he wouldn’t disappoint her.

Allura made eye contact with him, letting Lotor know that he was wasting precious time. Her eyes were an incendiary force, combined with the naked flesh before was a temptation that few could deny.

Lotor was not so strong.

Lotor moved on his knees to the princess, resting his hands on her small waist. He ran one hand up and down her back, savoring the feel of her skin underneath his hands. She was soft and warm, and at this moment his. He moved behind her and stroked her skin savoring the moment before he entered her.

She was warm and slick, a tight channel of muscle-flexing around his cock. He ran his hand up her back, soothing her as she adjusted to him. She was gasping and he held her as she instinctively flexed at his intrusion. Allura took a deep breath and relaxed at his gentle caresses.

Lotor kept his hand moving up and down, letting her settle against him. The princess turned her head and nodded at him.

He pulled out again, the whole of his manhood slipped free of her. He let out a slow breath of disbelief and watched transfixed as he slowly pushed back into the princess. It was a glorious feeling, being engulfed in Allura’s warmth.

He began to move at a steadier rhythm, following the natural flow of their bodies. He grew hot and so did Allura a ripple of heat ran its way through both of them. She became more accustomed to him and his thrusts.

It isn’t fair, it’s almost cruel, but this was a weakness he had never faced. If he were a better man he would never have let it get this far, never let himself come so close to the edge. She doesn’t love him, this won’t make her love him, and he knows that. But he’s going to fuck her anyway because he’s a selfish creature and didn’t want to give her up.

How naive he had been. He thought it would be enough, but he hadn’t yet learned the softness of her skin. The curve and weight of her breast in his hand. How she gasped his name in his ear. Lotor would always know this feeling. He could live another thousand years, bed a thousand more, and he would remember Allura. Only Allura.

Lotor began pounding into the princess, his cock slick and hard, sliding in and out with ease. His hips met her full rear and the slap of their flesh only drove him wilder. He pressed his hand down on her shoulder blade maneuvering her lower and angling himself higher to reach deeper. The rewards were exquisite. Allura moved her legs farther and raised her hips higher, meeting his thrusts at this new angle. To be one with Allura was another feeling entirely, and he felt ridiculous for denying them both such delicious, base, pleasure.

He was lost, it felt like he was being pulled by a strong wave. It was pulling him beneath the sea, but he was loving every minute of it. He was drowning and would happily never breathe again, no trace of sanity or reason to be found, he was living in these sensations. It was easy, now in the heat of things, to lock away his heart and let them surrender to their desires.

Allura was moaning without shame, finally free of whatever decorum kept her true feelings suppressed. Her skin was tacky from their exertions, her hair was wild and falling over her shoulders and face.

Lotor closed his eyes and focused on the sensations she gave him. Every thrust felt like a homecoming. She was his every dream, and now she would be his.

He would make her come and watch her fall apart beneath him. Every heartbeat sent a sharp throb of pain to his temples, behind his eyes, like long-forgotten tears.

Lotor realized he was going to reach his end sooner than Allura. He slowed himself, and with one hard thrust nestled himself deep inside the princess. Only for a tick. She cried out, a lewd soft sound, her breath coming in fast pants. His own breath was coming even faster. Lotor gripped her shoulder harder, pulled out slowly, and thrust in deep. The princess arched her back, her voice lost this time in a silent cry. The urge to keep going was strong. He never wanted to stop. He felt a primal thrill looking down at Allura beneath him. He imagined the view in the mirror to be just as gratifying.

 

Lotor looked up and saw a _monster_.

 

A hulking, purple beast that had the princess pinned under him. His eyes were dilated, his claws had come out again, even his hair had an edge of madness to it. He could barely even see her face it was pushed so deeply into the bedding. A long-clawed arm was holding her down by her shoulder. She had no face, no voice, Lotor would never have known it was Allura.

He looked down at her red face, breathless from pleasure, her body was starting to turn under him. Probably wondering why he had stopped. She wanted to see his face. No, he couldn't let that happen. She would scream.

Lotor wanted to scream.

He tore himself away from the princess, pulled out quickly and crawled as far away from her as he could. He made his way over to the edge of the bed, he hung his legs over the side, ready to leave if he needed to.

A wave of nausea overcame him, he felt sick remembering the monster in the mirror staring back at him. The creature had been smiling as it ravished the gentle princess. His erection softened slightly at his anxiousness. His heart started to race, and his breath began coming in short gasps. He clenched his fists as tight as he could, staving off the attack.

He remembered how they felt growing up, he learned to control them and prevent them. It had been a long time since he’d had one. As he gripped his fists harder, he began to lose hope that it would go away.

Lotor looked up, shocked, as Allura slid a gentle hand over one of his own. She picked up his hand and opened it. Her brow worried and hurt as she surveyed the damage his claws had done to his palms. She reached out her hand for his other one and looked at the bleeding gashes on his palms.

“Lotor,” she said.

He kept his head down in shame while he remained in her grasp, and her eyes trained on his face.

“Lotor, take a breath,” he did. “Good, now another.” He kept breathing.

The princess turned his palms up and rested them on her lap to work on them. She opened her hands over his and a soft blue light poured out of them. The light was warm, and his hands tingled where her magic was healing them. He watched her, even now he was in awe of her power. He saw the wounds close as if they had never been there. The skin was new, he felt no pain.

Lotor drew his hands away as soon as the light faded from her hands. He backed away from her even more, his back hitting her headboard. He was completely soft now, so he turned to the side and hid away from her gaze. Lotor didn’t want her to see this shame as well, that his erratic emotions had affected even this part of himself. Allura reached out a hand to his shoulder, but stopped and let her arm fall. Defeated even before she tried; Lotor could tell that she saw a hopeless cause.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

He hunched over and rested his elbows on his thighs. He was regaining his normal heart rate, and his breathing was even and steady.

“Yes, thank you,” he replied.

It was silent between the two of them as she let him breathe. Her robe was on the floor by his feet, he bent down to pick it up and hand it to her. The princess put it on silently, covering her nakedness.

“What happened? Was--was it something I did?” she asked worriedly. His head shot up and reached for her hand himself.

“No!” his own voice was frantic, he had to deal with his own monsters, but he wouldn’t let Allura believe even for a tick that she had done something wrong.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Princess, this -- this is my problem,” he said.

“Talk to me,” she said, he wanted to turn away from her, but he couldn’t.

“I looked in the mirror, and -- I didn’t like what I saw,” he said.

It was the simplest way to explain what he saw. The horror he felt when he saw himself, he didn’t want to explain his thoughts.

“Is that -- normal, Lotor?” she asked. Her brow was knitted together creased with worry, and her eyes were filled with heartache.

The former prince thought back to the monster, and his horrible smile. Lotor smiled to himself, his lips were sharp the smile had a bitter edge to it, he knew the answer. Most days he tolerated his reflection, he never wanted to settle, so if he hated himself he would be forced to improve until he liked what he saw. His methods worked and some days were better than others. But there were days where he hated himself, days where he only saw the flaws and imperfections. Too much Altean, too much Galran. This was different though, this was the first time he had seen the monster.

“Yes”

He felt his emotions spiking, rage, lingering sorrow, and the fresh humiliation of getting caught in such a position. He couldn't do it, couldn’t go through with it, the spell was broken. He had seen through his own facade and the monster peaked back. Now he had to face the consequences of his own selfishness. Shame and sorrow battled for dominance, the pain was worse than anything he’d ever experienced.

It ate at his soul.

He wanted to lash out again, but his defensive rage had already hurt him and Allura. It had almost cost him everything. His chest felt like it was shriveling inside, but he took a deep breath anyway.

Lotor looked up at the princess, hurt and disbelief in his eyes, he wanted to understand why she would ask him to come to her in this way. Now she even knew him at his lowest point. She had seen the truth of him, this last weak part of him that had not been known to anyone else but him. He watched her carefully for signs of regret.

Couldn’t she have some sense of clarity at this point? Something that could let her define her feelings for him, and free them of this. He thought it would be enough. If he had her once, if they fucked whatever they felt out of their systems, but now he understands how foolish an idea that was. How ignorant he had been.

Lotor had wanted this for so long, but he didn’t want it like _this_.

He moved to hold her hand; his heart ached even with this small touch. His eyes drifted over the barely clothed princess.

“Why am I here Allura?” he asked, his voice soft and broken.

The princess’ hand went slack in his. Her eyes widened with shock and hurt, she seemed as if she wanted to withdraw from him. He had never seen this wide a crack in her defenses before.

“But you -- you said you understood that you felt the same,” she said, genuine in her confusion.

The turmoil in her eyes seemed real enough, but it only reminded him of her ‘offering’ the night before. Bitterness moved him, like a cruel slice through his gut, he pulled his hand away making his pain known to her for the first time. She flinched as though she had been struck by an arrow.

“All too well,” he said. His face was smooth and hard, like granite, but the darkness in his eyes revealed the barely contained fury.

Allura remained composed; there was a strange look in her eyes, something like tenderness or sorrow, it flayed him to the bone. Her hand was gentle, her face serene, as she took his hand back into hers.

“No,” she said, rubbing her thumb across his knuckles. “I don’t think you do.”

She was sitting on her knees, her head bent over his hand. Why did she always have to do this? Meet his anger with such gentleness. She wanted to ease his hurts, but at the core of it, she was the cause of his pain.

“Do you have some understanding now Allura? About your feelings?” he asked. He hardly recognized his voice, it was a wretched and croaking sound.

“I do, I always knew, but I thought -- this would bring us closer. That this was what people in our situation did.”

“Our situation?” he asked. She had known the whole time, he felt forsaken and an icy feeling crept over him. She had kept him in the dark for whatever purpose, he wanted to scream and rage at her but when she spoke her voice was oddly hoarse and it stopped his anger cold.

“Do you know what I see when I look at you. Everything.”

Now Lotor recoiled from her, it was as if she had struck him. _Everything_. Every foul thing, every mistake, she saw it all. He didn’t doubt her sight, Allura had a way of getting through to the very heart of him. She had always been able to see, he had thought he was smart enough to hide it, but with only a few words and a look, she shattered every defense he had.

“I see everything you are, and there isn’t a thing I would change.”

The look Allura gave him, spoke to him; of the hidden feelings, she had kept close. Her eyes were bright and full of open honesty. She was revealing every truth she had kept from him.

To him, though her admission felt more like a betrayal, she was so casually ignoring his words from last night. But her eyes pleaded with him to continue listening.

“When I look at you my heart beats so fast, my face gets red, and I feel like I can’t breathe.”

She was smiling wide and free, it made his own heart race. Her eyes were bright and excited like there was too much for her to say. She looked down at their hands, the smile still on her face.

“But when you look back at me, and our eyes meet, it’s too much. My chest feels too small and too big at the same time. It’s like my chest wants to burst open, it’s too full, too full of happiness, of joy, _of you_.”

Allura clutched at his hand, she brought it to her chest. His knuckles brushed her open robe, the fabric was silky, it spilled around her like water. Nestled between her breasts, he could feel her heart’s rapid speed against the thin skin on the back of his hand. Lotor desperately wanted to believe Allura’s words. His own chest began to feel the same feeling, the openness, the unnamed something had returned.

“At the same time, my chest feels open and free like it’s growing. I’m filled with something, and I’m so light I could fly.”

 _The same, it was the same_ , he thought.

“I don’t think you really understood what I meant last night. What I offer, I give to you freely, it’s not something you can give and demand repayment for.”

She took his hand so close to her heart and looked into his eyes. His own chest was erratic, there was no governable force that could control it. No force of will, no rational words, it would just keep beating.

“That’s not how this works.”

Allura moved his hand to his own chest, pressed it against the bare skin where his heart laid underneath. He looked down at his hand as if it was a new limb like he had never seen it before. Everything seemed new to him really.

“I can only give it to you and hope that you will cherish it.”

The princess’ eyes shimmered, they were glossy and somewhat watery but bright, her smile though was what struck him. It was _the_ smile, the one he thought he would never see again. She was radiant. Her beaming face was so free and lovely, but she wasn’t made beautiful by just her physical beauty, it came from inside her. There was something indescribable emanating from her.

Lotor would give anything, _anything_ , to be a part of it. To feel what she felt. He clutched at her hand on his chest, pressing it to his heart. That open feeling was different, now he felt like he was overflowing. Something was stirring underneath the surface of his skin, he could feel it clawing out beneath their hands. It felt like it was his heart like it wanted to give itself to Allura.

“As I would yours in return,” she finished.

When he was outrunning his father and flew towards Nah-Veer Five he escaped the clutches of the unstable star through strength and sheer luck. The gravitational force had stretched and dragged his entire body, he felt like he was being ripped in different directions and every atom’s weight had increased a thousand times over. Lotor could only that compare that moment, those feelings, to what he felt now.

It was like his soul was rushing out of him; it wanted to burst out of him and embrace Allura. His pulse sounded like thunder in his head. His tongue was a weight that had settled in his throat, but the rest of him was floating. Even his mind was gone, he had lost it to her, and it gave him such relief.

The breath had settled in his lungs, he had been holding it, but now he could breathe again. He inhaled. New and fresh, the air gave him renewed life. It felt like the first breath he had ever taken. Everything felt new to Lotor. He looked down at their hands on his chest. The skin on his chest was raised, it tingled, and felt warm. There was a flush that took over him, he felt the heat rise from his neck up to his face. It settled itself on his cheeks, and from them grew a smile so wide he thought his face might split. It must have made him look mad, but he didn’t care he had never felt so happy before in his life.

_So that’s what that feeling was._

The relief was the first thing he felt, as though some lost part of him had finally clicked and fallen into place. His stupid brain had led him down the wrong path again. He had been right all along. She did care, her smiles were his, and so was her heart.

 

_She loves me._

 

Lotor ran his hands up Allura’s shoulders and pulled her to him. He embraced the princess and held her close to him. A loud laugh escaped him as Allura wrapped her arms around him. He had strained under the idea that he had nothing to give her in return, now he was full of it. If he had known it was so easy he would have surrendered to it days ago.

 

_And I love her._

 

He separated from Allura and looked down at her smiling face. It was so simple, he barely even had to think about it, it was just something that happened.

As easy as drawing air into his lungs Lotor gave his heart to the Altean princess.

“It’s yours, you didn’t even have to ask it’s yours Allura,” he said.

The two royals met in a series of joyous kisses, their mouths pressed against each other absorbing their raw confessions. Allura’s lips parted, and Lotor took the invitation for what it was. He was ruined for life, there would never be another to equal Allura, and Ancients take him he didn’t care. Kissing her was like being drunk on starlight, it was soft but there was a delicate haze to his thoughts, his head was lost and the rest of the room faded; his only awareness coming from what he could reach and touch with his hands and his tongue.

He had come here tonight to pretend, if only for a little while, but now he was faced with the reality that the dream that he had so dangerously and so carelessly thrown away was his. His mouth fitted to hers, he entered her with his tongue and threw himself back into pleasure. He could feel the same need growing in the princess. Their heartbeats clashed against one another, the sensation being shared between their pressed bodies.

Lotor coaxed her back down on the bed. One of the princess’ hands moved to grip his shoulders, while the one slid up to clasp the nape of his neck. The hunger that had filled him before began to consume him again. He reached for every inch of skin he could find, sliding down from her mouth to her neck. Gentle bites brought him across her neck, up and down, until he found a particularly sensitive place he liked and made Allura pull him closer. He was impeded by his own stupidity once again and drew back from the princess his brows drawn together in annoyance.

“What idiot put clothes back on you,” he said. Allura giggled as he pulled the robe off of her. He kissed his way down her shoulder, following the new trail of skin the robe exposed.

“Oh I’m sure he’s a well-minded idiot,” she said, rolling her eyes. She wrapped her arms back around his neck.

“He’s an absolute fool,” he said. Their smiles matched, wide and full of shared joy.

“Maybe, but the heart wants what it wants,” she said. She sprung up quickly to place a soft kiss on his lips, an impish look on her face at his own surprised one. His features changed to one of fondness.

She laid back down on the bed. He crawled on top of her, his arms framing her head and turning his body into a prison. He wanted her underneath him, pulsing with need for him, he wanted that always and forever. Lotor nuzzled at her neck and pressed his lips everywhere they could reach on the Altean princess. One of his hands moved over to her legs; he felt their smoothness then squeezed the pliant flesh. Allura arched her back and pressed her hips to his. His cock was hardening again, he pressed his mouth to her heart.

The skin over her heart was thin, he could feel it flutter under his lips, it made him smile. Lotor couldn’t comprehend how the princess had become such an essential requirement for his happiness, but he would never question it again.

His mouth moved over to her breasts, so gentle, worshipping her like he’s wanted for days. He slipped his hand up to her hips savoring the feel of her, anchoring himself he ground himself upward and let her feel his pleasure and hardness. He parted her legs and she moved to accommodate him, she raised her legs up to cradle his body.

Another smile graced his lips, such a sweet princess, he continued his gluttonous feast on her breasts. She quivered in his arms her he could feel her own arousal start to grow. He would kindle the heat in her. She still smelled like juniberries, but there was a salty tang of sweat now on her skin. He laved his tongue over one of her nipples, while the other received the attention of his free hand. His thumb passed over her in light playful circles. His tongue brought it’s sister to the same height. Allura shivered against him when his teeth closed on her in a gentle bite. She raked her nails across his back, a ravenous but benign touch.

Lotor was spurred into action, he braced his hands on either side of the princess’ head and rolled his hips over her sleek and swollen core. She was ready for him, he looked up at her asking permission, he was eager but she seemed hesitant.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Should I turn back over?” she asked, beginning to the motions to roll over onto her stomach.

He reached a hand down to her face and stroked her cheek. His affection for Allura outweighed his guilt at trying to trick her, he shook his head. He had meant to protect himself from her when he had said that, but now he knew he’d never needed protection from her.

Allura would never hurt him, and he needed to return her trust with his.

“No darling, I want to see you,” he said. Her cheeks grew rosy and round at his words, but her eyes still had a tinge of skepticism to them.

“Are you in any pain?” he asked, genuinely concerned.

“No, not at all,” she said, pressing into his hand. Then she turned and nuzzled her face into his hand; her actions reassured him. “I want to see you too.”

“You’re more prepared now -- it should be easier. It...it should feel different,” he said. It was the only truth he could give her regarding his past, and last, lie.

Allura looked deep into his eyes, and he slid his hand down towards the back of her head drawing her into another kiss. His fingers ran through her silvery hair as his tongue plunged deeper inside her.

The concept of loving her had frightened him, now it seemed to shape every action and thought he made. Lotor had never encountered these feelings before, an agonizing blend of emotion and hunger. He wanted to love every part of her, inside and out, nothing he had ever known compared to this feeling.

It seemed to be affecting Allura too, she was trembling slightly, he could see that their heightened emotions had charged the air between them. There was a raw, deeper feeling behind their actions now; he positioned himself at her entrance and kept their eyes locked as he sank slowly down into her.

There was nothing she could hide from him, but what had alarmed him more was the intimacy. Their bodies were melding together, and a piercing sensation ran through him filling him with a sweet and painful ache. The princess raised her legs and moved to cradle him, drawing him closer and deeper.

He entered her slowly, just a simple push, but with just that delight surged through them both. Allura gasped and flattened her hand against his lower back, then lifted her hips to meet his shallow drive. As their bodies were one, so was their breath; each puff of air was shared, hot and humid, their faces almost touching.

 

“Lotor, please don’t stop again,” she pleaded.

 

Their eyes never broke, not even when he was finally fully sheathed in her. She took one long, slow, deep breath as if the whole of her being exhaled with her. It was like she needed to breathe like she wouldn’t be able to hold on, and doing so let him become a tether for her.

He could feel everything. The muscles of her cunt were slick and tense gripping his cock and flexing around him drawing him closer to her. He needed more, the push he gave felt like a homecoming; the breath she let out was lifegiving. He pulled her toward him and let her body slide with his. He pushed in deep and began to thrust letting the natural rhythm of their bodies guide him. She moved like a slow wave, and he let it wash over him. Lotor wanted nothing more than to feel the princess. He was inside her, fucking her, loving her, but he still wasn’t close enough.

His arms braced on both sides of her body, his claws out again and fisted in the bedsheets. Lotor could feel his body being winding up, readying itself to let loose. He moved slowly, hiding his strength behind caution and soft kisses to her neck. Allura let out a sigh and let her own hands move up and over his body. She held his face for a tick as he began thrusting into her slowly, she let out another sigh her mouth falling open in pleasure. Allura threw her head back, and let another cut-off moan escape.

Lotor kept at a steady pace, but he did move his arms lower to raise him himself higher. The new angle let him in deeper; he met the soft flesh of her inner thighs again and again.

“Lotor, Lotor,” she said, her voice shaky.

“Allura,” he replied. He kept his face nuzzled into the hollow of her shoulder and neck, breathing in the scent of her juniberry perfume.

“You were wrong before,” she said.

He looked up at her, a confused look on his face. What had he been wrong about? Allura was breathless but smiling.

“This position feels much better,” she said. He met her smile with one of his. His smiles had come with more frequency in the last few days, but he had always been aware of them. But now he was free of that anxiety, his smile and his joy were his own, and Allura’s.

“You’re right Allura,” he said. Lotor sat up to look into his princess’ eyes. He stopped his thrusts and reached a hand up to cup her face.

“This changes everything,” he said and kissed her. The two of them still had their smiles when it ended.

Lotor rose up and moved to sit upright. He sat on his knees, still inside Allura only sliding out a little, but now above her looking down on her lithe naked body. She was beautiful, yearning for him, and looking at him with a question in her eyes. His hands ran down the princess’ sides, tracing over her skin. They traveled up and down, stopping occasionally to toy with her breasts, her body following the flow of his hands. Her face melted into blissful contentment; when he dipped down to nip lightly at one of her nipples she smiled wide and free and arched her back offering him more. Allura raised her arms over her head and stretched her body up like a cat inciting him into movement.

Lotor pulled out and ran his cock over her fluttering folds. She clenched at the emptiness; her legs bent to secure them over his own. His cock rubbed against her clit, and Allura squirmed reaching for more contact.

“Hold on,” he said as he entered her again. She quivered against him when he filled her, and her breath began to come in open-mouthed sighs as he started to pump inside her.

Lotor took hold of her waist and pulled her closer. Her legs bent against his body, so she could plant her feet behind his thighs. He used his hands to guide her onto his cock, again and again, picking up speed and power.

Their bodies bucked against each other on the bed, making the mattress beneath them and the frame itself began to shutter. Lotor couldn’t stop looking at the way her small, shapely breasts, bounced every time his cock slammed into her pussy. Allura clutched at his forearms, in an attempt to draw him closer, her nails digging into the flesh of his arms.

He stopped moving and dragged a hand down her body and looked between their connected bodies. Allura’s clit was red and swollen. Her sex wet and slick for him, brazenly on display with his cock buried inside her. He burned the image into his mind to carry with him until his last breath.

Lotor could never help himself and had always leaned more towards mischief. His fingers were long and thin, though larger than hers. He trailed a slow, steady path from her navel to her clit. He began to toy with her clit, once again in a slow circle. She let out a sharp gasp, no doubt she was still sensitive from his last teasing. He used his other hand to steady her, resting on her hip.

He needed more and slipped a finger farther down. He slid the tip of his finger into her folds, hissing as she clenched even tighter around him. The new intrusion a definite surprise to the princess.

“Lotor, Lotor,” she cried.

The sensations almost too much for Allura, but he pressed forward. She writhed and twisted upward. She grabbed at his forearm and shoulder helpless in her passions, only reacting to what she felt. Lotor flattened his free hand against her hip, keeping her in place.

“Shhh...it’s alright.”

He held her desperate gaze, her face flushed and her breath coming in harsh pants now. His finger fully seated inside her along with his cock. He pumped his finger, urging more wetness to flow from her. He coated his finger in her essence, savoring the blissful look growing on her face. Lotor ran his coated index along her clit, spreading the wetness over her.

He pulled his finger out entirely, then grew hot at the look of longing Allura gave, as though she now missed the added thickness. Lotor brought his hand to his face and licked his finger clean, his eyes never leaving hers as he did. She tightened underneath him, as he sucked long and hard, pulling all remaining traces of her from his skin.

“You’re filthy,” she said, her accusation sounded more like a plea to his ears. He looked down at her lazily.

“You’re gripping my cock like a vice Princess. Let’s not name call,” he said.

He pulled out his length entirely and plunged back into her depths. Only one more shallow thrust was what he gave her. Then he pulled out again and ran his cock over her slit coating her in her wet.

He was so hard, cock pressed up against his own belly, trailing pre-cum and slick on his skin from her wet pussy. Allura wasn’t faring much better, between her legs Lotor could see for himself how swollen the inner lips of her sex was. Flush from his cock pounding against them; he could see how engorged her clit was, rubbed red from his teasing. But he quivered against her as he saw how her wetness had left a sheen on her skin and the curly hairs around it. She was damp and aching for him.

Lotor felt like he was going mad. He wanted to drink down her every drop. He wanted to fit his whole hand inside and feel her come and clench around him. He wanted to fuck her as he licked his hand clean. There was too much to do, so many ideas and fantasies flying around his head.

Lotor sat above, still on his knees, while her legs were slowly weakening next to him. He took hold of one of her knees gently caressed it, up and down, calming her and hoping to give her some of his strength. His teasing was tiring but worth it.

“Lotor please, please,” she begged him.

“Easy, alright princess alright. I’ll give you what you want,” he said, he would never deny his princess in her most desperate time of need.

He rolled his thumb over her clit, drawing from the moisture of her sheath. He wanted her needy, and dripping for him. He continued to roll his thumb over her aching little pearl and she arched upward with a shaken cry for him. She was unraveling before his eyes, a delicious weakness overtook her as she shuddered beneath him.

A rosy wash of pleasure swept over her cheeks; her hair was spread out across the bed all around her. Everything around her was pale blues and silvery whites; the dim colors of her bedroom flowed over her. Wherever the light touched her skin glistened a soft silver sheen, it made her look like a living moonbeam.

That same euphoric, open feeling returned to his chest, and now that Lotor knew what it was he didn’t fear it. He embraced it.

He looked down at the princess with a mix of sensuous scrutiny, and pure adoration.

“Look at you, so beautiful,” he said. He drew the pad of his thumb lightly over the side of her cheeks, the delicate skin warm and flushed. “Are you truly all mine Allura?”

“Lotor,”

Allura closed her eyes and leaned her cheek into his palm, like she could fall asleep right there, the sight made Lotor smile.

Sex had never been an emotional thing for him. He enjoyed it and pleasured his partners, but there was never a connection beyond the physical. His attachment to them began and ended in the bedroom, but here with Allura, it felt different. There was love and feeling, saturating every gesture and movement, it made it more.

His thumb circled over the swollen nub and he watched as her body curled up then relaxed. Lotor slid two fingers inside her sex and began to pump them in and out slowly. His fingers were quickly coated in her wet, and in luxuriated in her arousal. It was soft and hot inside her; he could feel her tensing up as she hurdled towards orgasm.

“Don’t strain for it Allura, let go.”

It was beautiful, it was a base pleasure, hot and damp with her nails biting into the skin of his arms. Lotor’ knees spread her legs even farther apart blanketing her body with his. Nothing else mattered except the shameless ecstasy on her face and the roll of his thumb over and over again on that sweet pearl of flesh. She shook in his arms as her body tightened up giving in to his ceaseless touch.

She came, moaning loud and unashamed with her mouth open _, ah – ah – ah_.

This was the moment, glorious and electric, every feeling new and wondrous. He memorized, the look in her eyes. He was entranced, as he was trying to capture her, she was doing the same. Allura looked deep inside him, he was being memorized, absorbed, taken, and it made him feel whole.

She was still there, the last waves of her orgasm pulsing through her, but he wasn’t going to let her come down and he plunged back inside her.

Her shout echoed throughout her room, bouncing off the high arches of her ceiling; the air was filled with the slick sounds of their lovemaking. Allura seemed shocked, her eyes were wide and she couldn’t seem to catch her breath.

Lotor hefted her up, cradling her from behind, still fully sheathed inside her. He wrapped an arm around her waist and held her close, his fingers grasping at the soft flesh of her back as they began to move towards their end. His other hand moved lower, savoring the ample pleasures of her ass, squeezing and gripping it to aid their movement.

Her legs rested over his thighs, giving her the support she needed as she moved up and down on his cock. His hips meeting hers in perfect harmony, like a wave kissing the shore, they moved as one pure being.

Her smoldering wet heat left him with a burning need; to sink into her, to hold her close and never let her go.

Allura still hadn’t come down from her previous climax and he wasn’t about to let her. Every moan and gasp from her was incomprehensible. She poured every wicked, breathless sound into his mouth.

He rolled his hips with steady tenderness, and drove into her, grinding against the swollen hood of her clit. Her pussy fluttered around him. The aftershocks of her last orgasm undulating through her. She had reached some kind of plateau between one climax and being pulled into another.

 _Ah, ah, ah,_ Allura tried to say something, he pulled her closer leaving no space between them. Still not close enough.

“Lotor, Lotor,” she slurred.

“Almost there,” he soothed her. One of her hands weaved its way into his hair, her nails gently sinking into his scalp.

“It’s too much. I can’t,” she was shaking her head, but he nodded against her denials. Her other hand found its way to the middle of his back, drawing him closer to her still.

“Yes, yes you can,” he said into the juncture of her neck. He bit his way up and down to prolong their end. He nipped at the skin below her ear, making her nails tear into his back. “Ah, fuck.” Their drawn-out end had brought out the beast in them both. Lotor snarled his next words into her ear.

“It’s not, it’s not enough. It’ll never be enough.”

He needed more, more of her, of this, of them. He thrusted hard trying to reach deeper into the princess, bringing him that much closer to her. Allura’s whole body shook from the effort and she threw her head back in a shout.

Her vigor was renewed and returned with a fury that made all of his claws come out. Their gasps and moans were turned into roars of raw desperation. Her hips met his at a violent speed. He held onto her and confronted every clash of their bodies with the same maddening rhythm.

“I’m, I’m close, I’m close,” she said in frantic gasps. Even now, seconds from what might be one of the most if not the most powerful climaxes of his life, Lotor wanted more of her.

“I know, I know I can feel it, I can feel it.”

He could, the convulsive tremors of her pussy pulsing around him were driving him to his own end. He was overwhelmed, Allura ran throughout every part of him, he was dangling right on the edge of too much. She wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him with every part of herself. Their chests pressed together, their hearts racing, beating as one.

“Lotor,” his name was a shared breath.

“We... we were meant for each other Allura, like this, just like this,” he says.

He needs her to see it too. That everything has led to this moment, ten thousand years, and endless pain and loneliness. For them to be one luminous being, to be here, together now.

“Yes, yes, Lotor yes,” she nods and moves to rest her forehead against his.

He could feel it she was there. Right on the edge once again, but now he’s there with her. He’s shaking he’s right there, but he still needs it of her first.

He pulls out entirely taking only a moment to savor the look of loss on her face. His spine was burning and his balls are wound tightly against him, he doesn’t have much left, but a primitive urgency runs through him now, to claim her, and every part of her in this moment. He sank into her once more and started them on a breakneck pace.

“Come”

He demands it of her in an authoritative tone masking the plea that it was. He wouldn’t last more than a few more ticks. Everything was new, raw and sweet. He’d never been so wild with need before. He never wanted this to end, but they were both racing towards that irresistible edge.

“Ah, ah Lotor,” she groaned at his purposeful strokes, and her head fell back.

He moved to cradle her face, holding her cheek in the palm of his hand looking her in the eye. He had to see her eyes when she came. They were always so fierce and pointed like a sword, and in the dim light of her room shone like stars.

“Come for me now Allura” he growled harsh and savage.

It was the sound of an animal, a beast, a monster, but didn't care and pulled him closer to her and whispered sweet adorations against his lips.

She shuddered one final time, her climax turning her into a raw, open nerve. Her pussy pulsating around him, tight and hot dragging him out of his body, and with that, the last of his endurance ran out. He let the fire burn him alive. The flame and heat traveled up his spine and radiated up to his skull. He pumped his hips, buried himself to the hilt, and yielded to her.

Their orgasm seemed endless, he was aware of nothing except the pleasure of filling her and having her surround him. His eyes move down their bodies and he watches as he comes, hot and thick, inside her giving her every drop of his essence.

Allura feels hot and feverish in his arms, her body clenching and unclenching. She’s still moving her hips, shallow, the two of them still connected chasing that last bit of friction. He lowered his head and kissed her through the last of it. The shocks ran through them, the ticks an eternity, as her pussy quivered around him deliciously demanding the last of his meager offerings to his most sacred temple.

He feels drained and witless, his strength spent, and the two of them collapse. Lotor doesn’t know how they managed to find themselves horizontal. When they broke apart or laid down. But it happened. Somehow the universe came apart and put itself back together.

The two royals were panting and took a few deep breaths to try and regulate their breathing. Both of them turned to look at one another. A wide smile slowly growing on their lips, a small laugh was shared between them at their tired and sated faces. In this, they were unified, and they would be in all things from now on if Lotor had something to say about it.

Allura raised up a hand and noted the small tremor, “I’m trembling.”

He reached a hand out for Allura's. He took hold of the delicate appendage easily and brought it up to his lips. Lotor kissed her fingers, fingertips, the thin skin over her wrists, everywhere. He wanted to savor every touch.

Allura smiled at him then turned to stare up at the ceiling, giving her hand over to Lotor’s touches. Her thoughts were her own and seemed to be all-consuming. Lotor rolled over onto his belly, propping himself up on his elbows, never letting go of her hand and began his process all over again.

“Lotor,” she said.

She was speaking to him, that was clear, even though her gaze stretched up towards the ceiling Lotor knew that her focus was far from their bed.

“Yes princess,” he said.

“I’ve--When--Do you--” she stopped and started a half dozen sentences before she turned to look at him. Her eyes were serious and distraught, it troubled him. He inched closer to the princess, eager to soothe her worries. Allura closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she spoke again.

Lotor inched closer to her, their bodies almost touching and looked over her worried face with concern.

“What is it?”

“Have you ever felt this way before?” she asked.

Lotor stared at the princess, her eyes were wide and searching, he could tell she was looking for an answer to her own question.

The truth of it was no, he had never felt such a strong urge, nor had he ever felt so overcome with pure longing. He looked into her eyes and knew that he would never feel this way about anyone ever again. Lotor was left feeling slightly nauseous and giddy, it was a strange combination. But it was rather daunting to realize you’re in bed with the _love of your life_.

He let go of her hand and propped himself on his elbow to look down at her. His other hand tucked a stray hair behind her ear. She made room for him in her embrace and ran her hand up his arm to rest on his shoulder.

“No, never,” he said, his eyes full of raw honesty.

“Is it different for you too? I’ve felt...at least I thought... I had been in love before but,” she trailed off her eyes darted back and forth searching for an answer in his.

He had never been ‘in love’ before. The word love had never really been associated with him. He had been a thing. A tool for the Galra empire, then a trophy for others to shine and praise. Care may be, Lotor could believe that he had been cared for, but never loved.

Lotor had never understood the feeling behind his parents’ actions, to have so much and to risk it all for one person. But now Lotor knew, the barest newest understanding of it, but now he knew.

His own heart had become a physical person, she lived and breathed a thousand years before he was ever born. She fought and battled enemies across the cosmos, survived war and untold hardship. Lotor couldn’t bear it. She would bleed, cry, and fight for peace in the universe and he could do nothing to stop her. Somehow an actual person had become his heart and he could do nothing but hold her close. He had been with her, holding her, inside her, making love to her, and it wasn’t enough. Nothing would ever be enough. He could only hold her, support her, and give her every ounce of strength his body could give, and an answer.

Lotor nodded his head.

“So..so this is real,” she said, astounded by their conclusion.

“This is the realest thing I’ve ever felt. No one compares to you, Allura.”

It was a promise, a vow, the truth and conclusion of every moment and word that had passed between them.

There would never be anyone else. Not for him.

“So we are in agreement then, this is…” Allura drifted off, and as she looked into his eyes for the same feeling that was in hers. The answer to what had been driving him mad for days. What had made him irrational, confused, and happier than he’d ever thought possible.

_**Love** _

Silent, he nodded confirming and assuaging her fears with a simple motion. For the first time, he had the right words for the ache in his chest. It was right, and deep down he knew the truth. That he was born to be with her, and every pain that lead him down this road was worth it because it brought him to this final conclusion.

_I’m in love with you._

He leaned down and kissed her, cradling her face in one hand and the nape of her neck in the other. A silent promise of love was spoken between their lips. It hurt so much, his chest felt too small for his heart, but it was a wonderful, freeing, and healing all at once. He would never feel complete his own body again.

They broke apart when he felt the first of her hot tears on his skin. Her eyes were watery but bright and full of joy.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m just so happy,” she said through her tears. She smiled, it was beautiful and soft. The one full of love, the one just for him.

He wiped away her tears and pressed more kisses to the apples of her cheeks. She stroked back his hair. He coveted every sweet kiss and tender touch. He had almost lost them forever due to his own ignorance.

Lotor swore to himself he wouldn’t hide his thoughts or feelings from Allura. If only one person in the universe were to know his emotions, his truth, his heart it would be her.

“So am I, love, so am I.”

They looked at one another, taking in the moment of their newfound love. Allura then surged upwards and kissed him hard and eager. Lotor’s mind grew dizzy. The waves of pure, harsh desire rushed over him suddenly and without warning; it was followed by the loud pounding of his blood drowning out the sweetness of the previous moment.

He could easily have gotten lost in her kiss and started their lovemaking all over again. Allura’s kiss was savage and fierce, but in it, he could taste the sting of desperation.

Lotor’s eyes traveled across her face looking for any signs of reject or fear, a clue to her erratic behavior. His fingertips grazed the places his eyes linger over. Her puffy eyes, the drying tracks of tears on her cheeks. His journey ended at her worry bitten lips. He dragged his thumb softly across her mouth stopping her from biting anymore. She looks at him as if she’s afraid of getting caught up in this, in him. He feels the same, it’s too fast too much too soon. But even still he holds her know as she held him.

He doesn’t when or how this happened. What moment it was that rooted itself in him and let Allura into his veins. But he knew it was somehow here a moment just like this. Where he held her like she was precious and beautiful and she did the same.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose you...I can’t lose you. I just found you,” she starts her voice trembling.

“I’m right here. There is no reason to be afraid Allura,” he reassures her. But the trepidation doesn’t leave her eyes, and her gaze darts across his face, memorizing. He’s so close he can see the water start to form and how her sight starts going glassy.

“My home, my family, our people. I can’t lose you too. I can’t. Every good thing in my life has been taken from me. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

He takes her hand and presses a deep kiss to her palm. Lotor has known loss, he’s known the pain of loneliness. It carves itself into the soul and nothing can make it new again, or so he thought.

“You’re the only good thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said.

A painful truth that was too easy to share with her. It was true even before he let himself love her. Even when she stood against him time and time again. When she fought him for every ounce of trust she was willing to give. She was like a star, steady, unyielding, unrelenting. Never willing to give him anything he didn’t earn from her.

But still, she drew him to her, with each inch he gained with her was exhilarating. Joy and laughter in the company of a like-minded Altean princess were dreams and fantasies of a boy. No one had ever sat down, spoke with him, treated him with such kindness or friendship. He felt a bit pitiful. All it took was a little affection and he fell so easily. Any other reasonable Galran would think he was the most miserable creature in existence. But he could now understand his father a little better. He had only ever had one good thing, Honerva, his mother. Lotor thought if he lost Allura he would never recover. He could see the pity in Allura’s eyes and her brows came together that she thought the same.

“Isn’t that the most pathetic thing you’ve ever heard?” he said self-deprecatingly.

She shook her head in outrageous rejection endearing herself to him even more. No matter where this had all began. No matter what his original intentions were when he started this mission. He knew where it ended, right here with her.

He knew nothing of being in love before he met her. Lotor still knew nothing. At first, he thought it infatuation, to some degree lust. He barely knows anything about her. The only thing he did know was that when he’s around her he felt warm, whole, and safe. When he looks at her, meets her eyes, all his doubts fall away and everything in the world is right where it needs to be.

She cups his face in her hands and strokes his face, soothing his worries and giving him the tenderness that drew him to her again and again.

“I...I don’t know how to put it into words, and I don’t want us to have another misunderstanding.” She took a deep breath before she spoke.

“You are gentle and sweet. I would like to say I see that and more, better than anyone else. I can’t say what lead me to you,” she pauses to look into his eyes. Her gaze penetrates him and connects her to him. It leaves them both bare to each other.

 _The same feeling_ , he thought, _it was always the same_.

“But when you look at me like that I know I’m right. I know I’m never lonely with you.”

It’s the kindest thing anyone’s ever said to him. Lotor used every one of his senses to burn this moment of being so desperately loved into his memory forever.

He leaned down to kiss and pour every thought and feeling into her. He could feel her heart beating against his chest. A heart he had traded for his own. He didn’t know how long they kissed, his mouth sometimes brutal, other times gentle. But he left nothing back, his heart was hers, for good or bad. Lotor would never regret loving Allura.

_Allura ten thousand years we’ve been alone, lost. Now we’ve found one another. We’ll never be alone again._


End file.
